


The Invisible Singer

by NovemberWings



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Abuse, BAMF Prussia, Bad translating (sorry), Blood, Bullying, Comfort, Complete, Countries Using Human Names, Emotional Hurt, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Fear, Gen, High School, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multilingual Character, Plotty, Singing, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Trust, Trust Issues, evil russia (Sorry), flinching, lonely canada, mum spain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-16 12:22:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 22
Words: 25,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14164767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NovemberWings/pseuds/NovemberWings
Summary: Matthew is a nobody in reality. But online somehow he's a somebody.Bullied relentlessly at school, Matthew is timid and frightened, expected to look after himself, with no friends there is nowhere he can turn when suddenly an unexpected run-in with the school's most popular and most feared person, Gilbert, changes Matthew's life.Gilbert is the main leader of the school's supposed untouchable gang, but are they really as bad as the rumors make them out to be?But Matthew is sitting on a secret, he is the online sensation TheInvisibleSinger. One of the most famous, and anonymous, cover artists on the internet, and he can't let anyone find out. Especially when Gilbert is his number one fan...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [OpperationPecan](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=OpperationPecan).



Matthew walked through the school corridors, being pushed and shoved all over the place, as he thought bitterly about the inefficiency of the school corridor design. It simply wasn’t large enough, especially for the ‘popular’ kids who feel it necessary to take up the entire frigin’ corridor. He glanced towards them walking down the hallway, where people practically parted like the red sea for Moses, forcing Matthew into the lockers, where the padlocks dug into his ribs and arms.

He held the folders to his chest tighter as they came by him and he was shoved even more viciously. He just wanted to get to class, where he could get his nose in the next chapter the book they were studying and write an essay and go home. He just wanted to go home, where he would be ignored and no one would talk to him. They walked by and the corridor spread out again and he had a little more room to breathe. He could just round this corner and he would be in his class and safe. Well, safe enough.

He was looking at the floor when a flash of red flew by his vision and there was the guy he just didn’t want to see. The jock who always wore that stupid fucking red jacket. Ivan. 

“How’s it going?” The question was phrased kindly enough but there was a shot of venom behind the words and Matthew knew it.  
“H-Hello, Ivan. I’m f-fine, thank you. How a-are y-you today?” He asked trying to be polite, wanting to just get to class with as least bruises as possible.  
“I’m good. You know what would make me better?” Matthew swallowed and stayed silent, knowing that no words would escape even if he tried. “The smell of your blood.” He whispered near his ear. He lent back and watched how Matthew held his books tighter and trembled.  
“Please, Ivan, don’t.” He begged breathily. He just wanted to go home. He saw the fist coming and flinched before the impact, but the impact didn’t come. He looked up to see Ivan smirking, with his fist a few centimeters in front of his face. He was still trembling as Ivan smiled. Before moving his fist, and moving from in front of him.  
“Have fun in class, Nobody.” Uttering the nickname that he hated, because he knew that it was true- he was nobody. He didn’t think he had moved as quick in his life. The hallway was empty and had been for a few minutes, meaning he could run. He could hear Ivan laughing behind him, he just prayed that Ivan was actually letting him go- not just toying with him and he would run after him in a moment. He got to the door and opened it running in. Everyone in the class looked at him, and he felt himself shaking under their gaze – his anxiety kicking in

His teacher made his way over and loomed over him.  
“Alfred! Why are you late?” He said loudly so that the whole class could hear. He wanted to humiliate him, he hated Alfred and Matthew always got mistaken for Alfred so he was going to try and hurt him like he tried to hurt Alfred. However, Alfred didn’t ever seem to care but Matthew did.  
“Sir, I’m not Alfred. I’m Matthew.” He said looking down, gripping his folders.  
“Oh of course, I’m sorry Matthew. But I will have to give you a detention. It’s the rule.” The teacher said a little quieter.  
“Of course, Sir, sorry for being late.” He said even quieter, he felt himself shrinking; he’s never had a detention before. He made his way over to his seat, and sat down and opened the book, and starting reading chapter 31. It was a short chapter so he could probably finish his essay before the end of class. But his mind kept wandering away from the beautiful words on the page, all he had wanted was to go home- but Ivan had to fuck that up didn’t he. Now he’d be stuck here until 5 o’clock and wouldn’t get home until 5:30. 

At the end of his class he finished his sentence – but he hadn’t finished his essay so he decided to get it done in detention, and maybe read the next chapter so he wouldn’t have to read it next lesson and then he could just write his essay. 

He walked to the front of the classroom and accepted his detention slip before making his way down the hall to the detention room. The hallways were completely empty, people had rushed out to go home and do whatever they do in their own spare time. He ran down the corridor, clutching his shoulder bag and the folders against his chest. He came outside of the detention room and stopped, and looked at the heavy door before pulling out his slip and pushing the door open – with somewhat of a struggle.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matthews in detention

He looked and saw a teacher asleep and the front and a few people around the room. He walked towards the teacher and without waking him he placed his slip on the desk on top of the others. He walked and sat down at a random desk, not really minding who he was by. The room was far from full but it had 5 people in there, not including himself. His desk was empty and he put his bag on the chair next to him and pulled out his English book and started writing.

About five minutes in the person behind his was drumming on the table.

Ten minutes in was too annoying to ignore and before his brain kicked in his mouth kicked in and without thinking of the consequences he spun round and glared at the guy behind him and snapped;  
“Can you stop doing that please?” He didn’t exactly say it as a question, it was a demand. He surprised himself- he was never normally like that and then realisation hit him, he had just snapped at a kid in detention. These kids were bad- they could kill someone without feeling anything, they were people like Ivan.

He didn’t think it were possible but it got worse, fear washed over him like a glass of ice water had been poured over his head. He had just snapped at Gilbert. 

Everyone in the school knew who Gilbert was – hallways parted for him, in fact they had parted earlier. Rumours spread about him and his friends every day. They said that he and his friends sold drugs, compelled young girls to be prostitutes and then took all the money. It was said that they had punched a police officer and gotten away with it because they were so scared of them, and this guy was the leader. He was going to kill him- he’s worse than Ivan.

Matthew had just snapped at Gilbert. What had he done?  
He turned back around in his seat faster than he thought possible, he didn’t continue writing but just stared at the paper in the book, wanting to just disappear.

He heard Gilbert stand up from his seat and make his way over to his desk and sat on his desk.  
“Sorry, what did you say, kid?” He heard him say, “I had my headphones in- so I didn’t hear what you said.” Matthew kept looking at his book, not being able to tell the words apart. He felt the back of eyes burn, he couldn’t survive another Ivan.  
“Nothing,” He said shaking his head back and forth gently- he was practically whispering, “it doesn’t matter, I’m so sorry for bothering you.” He was so scared, he was shaking so hard. He clutched his hands into fists under the table, trying to stop the panic attack that he could feel eating at his heart.  
“Hey, Kid.” Gilbert said with a kind of gentle twinge to his voice. “I’m not going to hurt you, calm down; seriously you don’t look so good. Those rumours are literally that, just rumours.” Matthew nodded desperately. He wanted to make it look like he was listening to Gilbert but he couldn’t.  
“I’m okay.” He breathed quietly. Gilbert jumped off his desk and pulled his bag off the seat next to him, and sat in it before putting his feet on the desk. Matthew swallowed and picked up his pen to keep writing. His hand was shaking though and he had a thing about keeping his book neat, but he ignored it and carried on writing, wanting to look as normal as possible under Gilbert’s gaze.

He had only written a sentence when Gilbert started talking again.  
“Why are you here?” He asked, making Matthew flinch a little, “I’ve never seen you in here before, unless you’re a new kid.”  
“I-I was l-late to class.” He stuttered. Trying to remember what his point was for the paragraph he was writing, he glanced at his wrist watch- forty minutes.  
“Oh okay, fair enough. Why were you late?”  
“I don’t know, I’m s- sorry.” Which was a lie but he couldn’t tell Gilbert about Ivan, he would get in trouble, any way what good would telling Gilbert do?  
“Jesus. F. Christ, kid.” Gilbert laughed, “I’m only trying to make friendly conversation, talk to me. What are you writing?” He asked looking over at the paper that Matthew was scribbling on in his cursive, very small writing.  
“My English paper.” He said still not looking at Gilbert, he had heard that a kid once looked him in the eyes and he had been hospitalised for a week.  
“Can I read it?” Matthew was surprised that he hadn’t just grabbed it from under him, Matthew wouldn’t have tried to stop him- he’s not that suicidal, and Gilbert was actually waiting for a response.  
“S-sure but I’m not that good at English.” Matthew stumbled; Gilbert reached over and took the paper before scanning his eyes over it and placing it back in front of Matthew.  
“Why did you say you’re not good at it?” He asked turning in his seat so he could focus all his attention him.  
“B-because I’m not…” Matthew tried to phrase it in the best way possible but it still sounded rude in his head.  
“Yes you are, don’t put yourself down- much better than me.” Gilbert paused, “What do you think you’re good at then?”  
“I-I’m not really good at anything, honestly.”  
“No, I don’t believe that, come on.” Gilbert laughed, “Everyone is good at something. What do you like doing?”  
Matthew paused he knew what he liked doing but he didn’t know whether or not he wanted to tell Gilbert, but it was probably going to happen one way or another.  
“I like singing… and playing hockey….” He said quietly and slowly, but to his surprise Gilbert didn’t ask him to sing, like he thought he was going to.  
“Oh my God.” Gilbert pulled out his phone, and started scrolling through what looked like music. “If you like singing you’re probably going to like this cover artist, they do loads of things from rock to Disney. They upload nearly every week and they have such a good voice. But the interesting thing about them is that they are really popular, like millions of people know them and they have been going for years and years, but nobody knows who they are. Here.” Gilbert said as he put the headphones on Matthew. Matthew flinched at being touched and having something move towards his face very quickly with not much warning. 

Gilbert’s mouth pulled down at the edges when he saw and felt Matthew flinch, but tried to cover it up, knowing that he spooked Matthew- it upset him but he wasn’t ignorant about the fact that most kids in school are scared shitless of him, sometimes it’s great but most the time it sucks.

As Matthew waited for the music to come on, he was panicking; he hoped this wasn’t what he thought it was.  
The song started and Matthew’s heart leapt into his throat, he didn’t know whether it was from excitement, nerves, or fucking downright fear. It was a cover of the song ‘Shut up and dances with me.’

It was Matthew.

It got half way through the song and Matthew was trying so hard to stop shaking, but Gilbert either didn’t notice or chose not to notice, this as bad- he couldn’t have the most popular guy in school- whom everyone was afraid of, knowing that he sung and uploaded it. Gilbert couldn’t find out that he was InvisibleSinger.

Gilbert reached forward and pulled the headphones off him and Matthew flinched again.  
“I want you to tell me the truth, I’m not going to hurt you because of your answer. Just because I’m fucking Gilbert Beilschmidt doesn’t mean I’m going to hurt you. But what did you think?” Matthew new this question was coming so he had been planning slightly,  
“They’re a good singer I like them, I might check them out when I get home.”  
“Really?” Gilbert’s face brightened, his smile spread across his face- and Matthew felt his heart warm a bit at Gilbert’s clear enthusiasm, he was happy with himself that he could make people feel like this- but he had to remember who he was talking to here. “They’re really good, they do all different types of music- sad songs, happy songs, upbeat, country- but I like rock the best. They even take suggestions from the fans- which is great and they even listen, I want to send a request but I don’t know what song I want them to sing- if they even pick me. Oh by the way if you do look them up, type in on Google ‘InvisibleSinger’ and they will come up. They’ve done loads of songs.” Gilbert smiled, and glanced up at the clock on the wall. Before standing up, causing Matthew to flinch again.

He walked away from the desk before saying, “We can go now by the way.” He said motioning his head towards the clock while pulling on his leather jacket. The clock said 5 o’clock, he was right they could leave. He shakily stood up, his legs like jelly- he was still shaken from talking to Gilbert, but it was almost over. He wasn’t dead- and it didn’t look like Gilbert was planning on beating him up. He reached down and pulled his bag onto his back, wincing slightly because of the pain in his shoulder. He glanced back to Gilbert, who had pulled his collar up and had started walking out of the room, he turned around to look at Matthew,  
“I’ll see you around, okay. Learn to chill out and check out the InvisibleSinger.” He said before winking at Matthew and leaving.


	3. Chapter 3

Matthew walked home, and because of it being November and almost Christmas it was dark and the street lamps were on. It made him feel nervous- he didn’t like being out so late and he was glad that he was almost home.

Five minutes later he had stepped inside his house. It was quite big and he hated it. He would rather have a small cosy flat with only 5 rooms, a bathroom, living room, kitchen, and two bedrooms. He would love to live home alone. But he practically does live home alone, his parents always working and when they were home they were too tired to speak to him but he didn’t mind- he like the quiet. He liked being home alone because that meant he could sing. He could sing out his heart and no one would know that quiet little Matthew Williams loved to sing. Someone who didn’t really have a lot to say but everything to sing about.

He loved singing. It gave him freedom nothing else could- if he told his parents he enjoyed singing they’d make him do classical opera, but that’s not what Matthew wanted. He wanted to sing and to actually feel the words roll of his tongue. To believe the words he sang- speaking and writing were different, he was good at both, but he could control exactly how he wanted the words to sound and people were more likely to listen to him if he sand rather than if he read.

Another reason he liked being home alone was that his parents were less likely to notice his change in behaviour and the bulling from Ivan. When Matthew was home alone he would often dance around the house and sing to the radio, but when the bullying had been particularly bad one day he would just go to his room and write, read or sing. He would write original songs sometimes if he felt strongly enough about something.

He wiped his shoes and the door before putting them to the side and walking into the living room to sit and watch TV for a bit, he was tired and all his homework was done- and the talk with Gilbert kept him on edge meaning now he was relaxed he was even more tiered- so now he didn’t want to do anything other than watch mindless TV. Maybe the Simpsons, or some old episodes of supernatural that he had already seen, or a film like ‘Love Actually’ or ‘Bridget Jones’ Diary’. He like rom-coms because they were light hearted and funny- but you also got the sad ones- where boy meets girl or the other way around, or boy meets boy and girl meets girl. Whatever Matthew loved them because they were good for him to go to this world where all pain was sorted out by the end of the film and he could be happy for an hour and a half.

But when he walked into the living room he saw his dads on the sofa. They were sitting together in each other’s arms. They were just watching crap telly, and surprisingly they weren’t asleep they seemed dozy but awake. Matthew’s day suddenly got a bit brighter, he loved his parents but he understood that their work was important to them.  
“Dad!” he said happily and they both looked up at him and smiled. Matthew made his way over and sat on the couch and his dad- Feliks- pulled him into his parents’ hug so he was sitting in between their arms.  
“How was your day, Matt?” His dad asked, he had a Lithuanian accent and his name was Torris but he had moved to Canada when he was young but for some reason his accent stuck. They had gone to the same Uni, and had fallen in love there. Matthew could speak Polish and Lithuanian, they usually spoke English at home.

His parents thought that being able to speak languages was important, so he was lucky that he was good at learning languages. He knows how to speak seven languages; he started from what he was very young. He can speak; English, Lithuanian, Polish, French, German and Spanish and Swedish. He was quite and quietly proud of that. But when it became compulsory to learn French and Spanish in his secondary school he always pretended he didn’t know anything and then when it came to his GCSE’s smashed it.

Whenever both his dads are at home though, so he didn’t get confused and they didn’t get confused he called them Dad in their native language, so Torris his Lithuanian dad he called ‘Tėtis’ and he called Feliks, his Polish dad ‘Tata’. And he loved both of them so much; he knew they would always be there for him.

“My day was good thank you.”  
“How come you’re home so late, it’s five thirty I always thought you got home sooner than that? Is everything okay, you didn’t get attacked or anything did you?” The question wasn’t asked in a malicious way it was literally curiosity, his parents seldom got angry about anything.  
“Ne, Tėti, nothing bad happened – I just stayed late after school to finish some things up and tidy my desk and stuff, you know?” It hurt how easily the lie rolled off his tongue but he knew it was for the best because his parents would only worry if he said he was late- then they’d ask why and sooner or later they would find out about Ivan, and that couldn’t happen. He could kill both of them but that wouldn’t put them off, they would still go after him and get hurt. After a few minutes of them all lying down together in a mess of limbs and watching crap telly Matthew suggested they watch a movie.  
They decided on Love Actually considering it’s almost Christmas and they all like the film. 

But that didn’t stop Matthew from going bright red at the sex scenes.

After the film had ended, they had to go back out to work- but it had been a great night. They watching films and laughed and ate burgers. It was one of the best things that had happened to him in ages. He stood at the bottom of the stairs as they were saying their goodbyes to him.  
“Pa(bye), Tato. Bye, Tėtis. I love you both so much- I hope work goes okay for you.” He said hugging each one tightly. As he hugged they goodbye separately they said I love you in their native tones,  
“Aš myliu tave, Matthew(I love you). Have a good time at school okay- we’ll be home soon.”  
“Kocham Cię, Matthew (I love you). And stop growing you’re taller than me now and you just keep getting bigger.” His dad smiled up at him. 

As they walked out of the door and got in their cars, Matthew stood at the door watching them go, feeling his heart ache a little at seeing his Dads go again, for god knows how long. They both rolled down their windows and leant out and shouted I love you in English, and he shouted it back. He waved as they drove down the road, before closing the door and locking it. He made his way up the stairs and he got into bed- without changing- even though it was only quarter past eight, and he cried. He just cried into his pillow and all he wanted was his dads. His Tato and his Tėtis.  
They left him. 

Everybody always leaves him.


	4. Chapter 4

He woke up an hour earlier than normal because of how early he went to sleep. He walked to the mirror and looked in it, he could barely see because he didn’t have his glasses on. He didn’t really have anything to do so he decided to shower because he’d be out in ten minutes and be ready for school in fifteen- so for once he could eat a proper breakfast and maybe watch some TV. 

He walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror above the sink, which would stop showing his reflection just above his hips. He turned the shower on and stood in front of the mirror again waiting for the water to warm up. He slowly took his trousers off and then his hoodie and then his shirt. He stood in front of the mirror and looked at his reflection. He really didn’t like his body- Ivan reminded him of how horrible it was every day. 

He was a pasty pale white, with no colour; except for the freckles that were scattered here and there. He just looked at his reflection until the mirror started to fog creating a foggy frame around his body, telling him that the water was warm enough now. He took off his boxers and stepped into the shower. His phone was on the window sill playing a soft song, which he gently murmured along to. It was a boring task.  
Shampoo, conditioner, wash his body with soap and stand there for a few minutes not wanting to get out.

Matthew didn’t really have a music taste it really deepened on his mood. He didn’t really have a favourite artist or band either. If he liked a song he would listen to it- it didn’t really matter to him who sung it, if they were a good singer then they were a good singer.

He normally liked something a little on the heavier side, but in the morning it had to be slow- he wasn’t ready for violence this early. So he just sung along to the song ‘Vampires kiss’. He finished up and got out of the shower and walked back into his room. He blow dried his hair and made it look somewhat presentable. When he looked in the mirror he caught another glance at his torso. On his left side over his ribs there was a massive dark purple and green bruise. Some kid in the hallway had knocked him into Ivan and Iva had grabbed him after school and hit him with a shoe until he had felt a little crack. He also had little red cuts, some were scaring, scattering his chest. Ivan had a thing with knives and he often liked to show Matthew his passion.

Matthew cringed as he pulled on a t-shirt with a polar bear design as it brushed against his bruise, but he carried on. He pulled on some black jeans and his red hoodie to give his outfit some colour considering everything else he’s wearing is black. He put his glasses on and the world was a lot clearer.

He picked up his phone still playing music, and changed it to a song by a man called Shawn Mendes. He liked Shawn Mendes he was an artist who stood out to him. He walked down the stairs and in the kitchen where he ate an egg sandwich with a little bit of tomato sauce on it. It felt good to eat a nice breakfast instead of rushing, and eating a piece of plain toast running to school. He would skateboard but he wasn’t very good and he didn’t know where to practice because the other skateboarders would laugh at him, and hurt him, and every time he went out in public there was a chance of seeing Ivan. He didn’t want to practice at home because their garden had really no concrete, and you can’t really practice on grass.

He had ten minutes before he had to leave so he packed his bag and a good book, one of his favourites. Matthew was actually quite a violent person on the inside. He loved movies like Saw. He loved violent books and music, but he was never like that outwardly- and he wanted to keep it that way, he was happy in his own little Matthew world.

But at the same time he loved rom coms and love stories, really he was a hopeless romantic.

He pulled his shoes on and made his way out of the door and locked it behind him- holding his book under his arm. He had his headphones in and was walking with his hood up. This was what he liked best. The streets were quiet, it was only him. He wasn’t afraid and he was happy in his own company with his music and the familiar feeling of a book with him. His cheeks were a little rosy and his nose stung from the cold but that’s what finished it off, made it home.


	5. Chapter 5

His happiness was gone as he walked down the corridor. Being shoved around, making his way to lunch. It was like they were animals in a stampede. Matthew wasn’t in a rush. He never bought lunch and no one ever wanted to sit at ‘his table’. He just sat alone in the corner. 

Suddenly, Alfred Jones ran bye him with his friends. They were shouted at by a nearby teacher to ‘not run in the corridors’ but they didn’t listen and she didn’t really do anything about it.

Finally he made it to the lunch hall and made his way over to the corner. He had had a crap day- he had had a test in Chemistry which he had definably failed, so all he wanted to do was eat and then read. Then go to class and then go home. As he was about halfway across the room he felt a hand on his shoulder. He flinched and kept still tensing, thinking it was Ivan. After a few seconds and nothing happened he turned around to face whoever it was. 

It was Gilbert. He made eye contact before dropping his eyes, which was easy considering how tall Gilbert was compared to him.  
“H-hello, Gilbert.” He said glancing around at people in the hall, they were all staring at them. Naturally eyes followed Gilbert because no one wanted to get in his way, and the fact that he had walked up to someone who nobody knew, he knew what they were thinking.

‘This stupid fucking Kid has gotten on Gilbert’s bad side, Fight fight fight fight.’ And what scared Matthew was that he thought the same thing, he thought that in some way he had pissed Gilbert off and here in front of everyone he was going to be beaten up. This would be worse than Ivan, because if Gilbert wanted to do some real damage he has everyone in the school on his side, Matthew could be killed. He felt the eyes on him, and his anxiety kicked in along with the fear of being beaten up and bullied.

He let out a shuddering breath, and he shook slightly. He blinked and looked at the floor.

“I never got your name, dude.” Gilbert said smiling.  
“I-it’s Matthew.”  
“That’s a nice name, but I’m going to call you ‘Vogel’, okay?” Gilbert said, holding his hand out, to shake hands with Matthew.   
“Okay…” Matthew said slowly taking Gilbert’s hand and shaking it, just at a loss for what to say.  
“I’m Gilbert.” Gilbert said even though they both knew who he was. “Where are your friends?” He said looking around, as if he could spot someone who looked like he could be Matthew’s friend.  
“I don’t have any friends…” He trailed of not knowing if he had done something really bad or not by not having friends, of course he would like some friends but he was happy in his own company and if he had friends they would just get picked on by Ivan so he’d rather have no friends and keep more people happy.  
“Why?” Gilbert asked shocked not really having anything to say, “You’re, like, really nice- why would you have no friends?”

Well because he talked to no one and if he made a friend they’d just be chased away by Ivan. He was socially awkward and had anxiety, he was withdrawn and it took a lot for him to open up. Why didn’t he have any friends? Of course he didn’t voice his sarcastic response, but he thought it. He seemed to that a lot, think sarcastic things but never say them.

“I don’t know, I don’t really talk to people…” He said his arm was going numb so he reached and took the book from under his arm and held it in his hands instead.  
“Well, that is one of the dumbest fucking things I’ve heard all day, and I’ve been in school for three hours, how can you not have friends? You’re such a nice person. Man that sucks. Who do you normally eat lunch with then?”  
“Myself”  
“Where do you eat?”  
“In the corner, over there.” He pointed as he said ‘over there’ to his table which was in the very corner. It was dirty and had graffiti everywhere, and it didn’t seem like anyone cleaned it but it was out of the way and he was less likely to be spotted there by someone. More and more people were looking at them, his shoulders started to shake and he looked at Gilbert’s torso, he didn’t know what to do.   
“Right,” Gilbert said, “I need to fix this, and you’re not eating over there.” Matthew had no idea what he meant he just knew it wouldn’t be good for him. “And that’s final. You’re coming and eating with me and my friends.”   
Before Matthew could stop himself he yelled out “No!” before quickly clamping a hand down onto his mouth. He cringed and waited for the punch, but all Gilbert did was look at him weirdly as he muttered apologies for his outburst. “Christ, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, p-please forgive me” And he could tell that tears were threatening.  
“No, what?” Gilbert asked, he seemed confused but Matthew couldn’t tell if he was actually confused or if he was toying with him.  
“No…. I wouldn’t want to bother you and your friends, I’m fine in the corner table, honestly.”  
“No it’s not sanitary there, come eat with us- we have the best table.” He said before gently taking Matthew’s thin wrist in his big hand and gently tugging him behind him, towards his table.

Matthew felt his heart speed up- he was going to die. He was going to say something wrong and they would kill him, simple as. Gilbert seemed kind enough, it was probably just an act, but he knew not all of them would act nice, more than likely they’d be looking for blood and some poor little sheep – or ‘Bird’ as Gilbert liked to call him- to take off to the slaughter. He only knew that because he coud speak German – ‘Vogel’ is bird in German. He didn’t know why Gilbert called him this but he wasn’t going to ask questions or tell him not to call him that.

He was walked over to the table where they stopped, and he kept his head down. He knew who would be sitting there, he saw them every day. Gilbert pulled out two chairs and pushed Matthew down into one, where he slowly and mechanically took his bag off being careful not to disturb the person sitting next to him, and took out his lunch box and placed it on the table in front of him, then his book and then he put his bag on the floor before folding his hands in the lap and keeping his eyes, on his shaking fingers. He could feel their eyes on him.

Gilbert sat down in the chair next to him before saying loudly to the group;  
“Guys, this is Matthew- he’s going to be eating lunch with us for a while, okay?” But it wasn’t really a question, and there didn’t seem to be much protest. He shakily reached forward to open the box before Gilbert said “Vogel” making Matthew jump violently, Gilbert looked at him in a way that looked like concern, but Matthew knew that it couldn’t be that.

“Okay, Vogel, these are the guys. They’re completely harmless,” He said laughing as one of them scoffed, he gestured towards a man with blonde hair slicked back, “this is my brother Ludwig. We’re German if you hadn’t guessed by my accent.”  
“Hello.” Ludwig said reaching across the table for a handshake, Matthew reached over and grabbed his hand, which was massive and completely swamped his little fragile hand. He felt as if Ludwig could break his hand if he wanted to. They shook hands as Matthew elicited a little squeak of a ‘Hello’ before they withdrew their hands. Gilbert seemed happy that Matthew had said hello.

Gilbert then gestured to a man with shoulder length blonde hair;  
“This is Francis, he’s so fucking gay- be careful of him.” Gilbert said jokingly. Francis reached across the table and took Matthew’s hand before kissing it and saying;  
“Ah, Matthew,” he spoke in a very strong French accent. “That’s a pretty name- almost French you know? How long have you been going here?” Matthew almost frowned at the question, but he caught himself in time, he wasn’t looking in Francis’ eyes so he didn’t know whether or not he was playing with him. He was still holding hand and it was a little creepy- even though Gilbert said it as a joke he would be careful around this guy.  
“For a f-few y-years now…” He whispered but he made sure to say it loudly enough so he wouldn’t have to repeat himself. His chest hurt and he tried to concentrate on breathing, he couldn’t have a panic attack he knew the whole dinner hall was looking at him.  
“Non, mon ami, I don’t believe it.” Matthew felt himself shiver- he wasn’t lying, “I would have noticed someone as cute as you, hon hon hon.” He laughed- and Matthew didn’t know what to think, all he could think was that Francis had a very stereotypical French laugh, which didn’t really make sense in the situation he was in.  
“Nobody really knows who I am, and I don’t really talk to anyone.” Matthew let out a breathy chuckle but he didn’t find anything funny. Francis let go of his hand and Matthew could see he had a look on his face that showed surprise. Matthew never really knew why people were so shocked about the fact he had no friends.  
“Why don’t you have any friends?” The question was phrased sadly as if he pitied Matthew, but Matthew knew that when they were hitting him later Francis wouldn’t be pretending to feel sorry him. But shit. He couldn’t answer that question, it was because of Ivan he didn’t have any friends, and it’s not like he could tell them about his crushing anxiety and the fact that he couldn’t go up and talk to anybody, not even someone who worked at a store, but it wasn’t true that he had never had friends.  
“I had a friend once, but he didn’t like this thing about me, so he moved back to Cuba and never spoke to me again. But I don’t really mind, I enjoy my own company, I love being along – I think it’s easier than having to… to,” CRAP he had basically just told them that he didn’t want to be there. He didn’t want to be there and they probably knew that he didn’t want to be there- but to say that to their face was practically asking for them to punch he right there and then. “I m-mean, not that t-talking t-to you guys is a problem…” He trailed off feeling his heart speed up again, and in his lap one hand started to press painfully into the other to try and ground himself from having a panic attack.  
“Wow that guy is a dick, just ‘cause you don’t like something about someone you don’t just leave them. You deserve so much fucking better I just met you and I can tell… Wow.” Francis looked angry before he laughed and then turned to another blonde person sitting to his right, “I mean, none of us like Arthur here but none of us have abandoned him.” He said while laughing. The person sitting next to Francis, Arthur, turned and punched Francis lightly in the arm. Matthew flinched at the violent display but Francis just laughed harder and rubbed at his arm. Everyone at the table laughed except for Matthew and Arthur, the tips of his ears had gone red.

Gilbert suddenly put his arm around Matthew’s shoulder and Matthew flinched horribly, and he glanced quickly up at Gilbert who was frowning gently, upset. No one else at the table seemed to notice his flinch except Gilbert and the person sitting next to Matthew, who was slightly tanned. The person next to him turned to Gilbert and said in German;  
“Is he okay?” but in complete instinct before Gilbert could answer Matthew said “Ja, ich bin okay” Which meant, ‘yes I’m fine’. Everyone at the table stared at him in shock. Matthew thought he had done something wrong and he was so embarrassed and went bright red.  
Gilbert turned to him and said in German;  
“Du sprichst Deutsch?” (You speak German)  
“Ja…” Gilbert took his arm off Matthew shoulder and started clapping, and said in English,  
“Guys! He speaks German.” He sounded really happy.

Arthur lent forward towards Matthew slightly;  
“Do you know any other languages? Matthew didn’t know what to do he had never told anyone that he could speak a different language before. Did he tell the truth and he realised that everyone was looking at him, but he couldn’t think of any negative outcomes to telling them that he can speak different languages.  
“I-I can speak six…” Arthur groaned and put his forehead on the table and muttered something that sounded quite similar to ‘stupid git’ in an English accent. Matthew froze not knowing what to do. He didn’t know what he had done wrong…

Arthur lifted his head off the desk and looked him in the face, Arthur had obviously tried to look him in the eyes but Matthew wouldn’t meet them. “You know, people like you really piss me off. Like I really want to learn another language and I’m the only one here who can only speak English.” Matthew couldn’t tell if this Arthur guy was actually pissed off with him or if he was being dramatic.

Gilbert started to chuckle. Matthew glanced at him before looking down at the table again; he had suddenly lost his appetite. Francis leaned forward and started speaking to him after taking a bite out of his sandwich, chewing and smiling.

“So, cher, what other languages do you speak- six is impressive. Everyone else and I can only speak two, well except for Arthur who can only speak one. He’s annoyed because he’s struggling in class and he needs to pass Lithuanian, but none of us speak Lithuanian so none of us can help him.”  
“I can speak German, French, Spanish, Polish, Swedish and Lithuanian.” Matthew spoke slowly and quietly, suddenly Arthur’s head came up off the desk.  
“You can speak Lithuanina?!” He seemed a little desperate.  
“Taip, I’m… I’m fluent. I… can read, w-write and speak.”  
“Oh my God, Matthew where have you been my whole life? I need you like right now, will you please help me learn a little Lithuanian- I’ll pay you of course.” Francis chuckled and put his arm around Arthur’s shoulders, and kissed him on the cheek.  
“I’m starting to get a little jealous are you flirting with him?” Then Francis turned to Matthew and put on a serious face, “Don’t you go by my man…” Matthew’s head flew up before he started stuttering.  
“No… I would never… Not that you’re not attractive… I mean… I…” It all came out in one big rush of words that were tangled together and they were tripping over one another. Matthew’s brain caught up with his mouth and he clapped his down on his mouth, and stared wide eyes- he was going to die. He stood up grabbed his bag from under the table and bolted, he knew he would pay for that later, but right now he didn’t care- why did he do that? If he had never spoken in German… 

He ran out of the dining hall and into the corridor. People were staring at him but he just ran as tears streamed down his face. He ran outside into the air and took in deep breathes, he had to go home, he couldn’t stay. Ivan was here and if he ran into Ivan now… He just wanted to go home and sing, so that’s what he did. He ran and he didn’t stop. He didn’t put his headphones in. He didn’t put his coat on, he just ran all the way home.


	6. Chapter 6

Gilbert glared at Francis. For a few seconds after Matthew had stood up and bolted they all sat there in stunned silence. The dinner hall had gone quiet as they watched Matthew run out. When Gilbert snapped out of his surprise he turned his focus on Francis, who still had his arm around Arthur’s shoulders. Everyone at the table had known that Francis was joking but Matthew hadn’t and he was terrified of them. Gilbert didn’t want him to be afraid of him but he couldn’t do anything about it- he could only wait until Matthew realised there was nothing to be afraid of.

“Why did you do that?” Gilbert shouted at Francis, “Couldn’t you see he was scared?” Francis at least had the good graces to look upset and guilty.  
“I didn’t know he’d take it so badly, why is he afraid?” Francis asked.  
“Because of all the fucking rumours that go around about us at school. You know that ones that say that we’re killers and we beat up police officers. He believes them and he thinks we’re going to hurt him!” Francis looked really upset, he often forgot about all the rumours about him at school- and it broke his heart. He was the one who was affected the most so he just tried to forget about the rumours and laugh it off.

Francis had this nasty rumour go around that he was a rapist and that really hurt him, because he would never do anything that cruel. He hated how people shivered when he spoke to them or how they always apologised without looking at him because they were afraid he would hurt them or rape them.  
“I’m sorry. No seriously I’m really sorry.” He felt himself tearing up and Arthur who seldom showed any affection to anyone put his arm around Francis’ waist. “I don’t want him to be scared, he seems really sweet. I was only joking around…” Gilbert felt slightly bad for snapping at Francis and upsetting him this badly.  
“I know that you were only joking, Francis, but he didn’t and I don’t know why I really care if he scared of us…”  
“I don’t want you to get upset, mi amigo, but could you maybe like him?” Antonio, his best friend asked.   
“What! No. I’m not gay, how many times have we been through this…” Gilbert stood up and saw that Matthew had left his lunch box, and that his phone had fallen out when he had stood up. Gilbert reached down and picked up Matthew’s phone and lunch box and out them in his own bag.  
“I’ll see you guys later okay, I’m going to go home for a bit.” Gilbert pushed his chair in and started walking towards the door thinking.

He couldn’t come out, and even if he did he’d probably just scare Matthew away and Matthew probably wasn’t even gay…  
He couldn’t be hurt that badly again, he wouldn’t survive it.


	7. Chapter 7

Matthew had been numb throughout the entire day. He had lost his phone and he was really pissed off, and worried because he didn’t have a password on it. Now anyone could go through it and he had left his ‘Invisiblesinger’ account on and then it would come out about who he was. But nether the less he still went home and sung.

He had sung until tears came out of his eyes and he sat in his secret little room, alone surrounded by his music things.

His little music room had been put in the house, maybe in the second world war. The room was sound proof and someone at some point had put some recording equipment in there. You could get to the room by lifting up a loose floorboard and walking down a flight of stairs into the little room. Matthew had furnished it himself, he was lucky considering you could only get to it through his room. He loved his little room.

He had saved up and gotten a small electric piano, and guitar. He could already play violin so he hadn’t had to learn from scratch but it still took year of practice to get as good as Matthew was. Over the other side of the room there was a little room with a big glass window which was where you sung and on the other side of the glass was a control pad with loads of buttons and knobs which helped make the sound better. He would then connect a cable to the control and put the recordings of him singing and his music on his computer and then onto a USB stick. He’d then upload it to his site and delete the song off his laptop, and he had a box of USBs in his little recording room.

The room was cosy, it had a scented candle burning when Matthew was in there so it always smelt nice, like Christmas. He had put in carpets, and had painted the walls himself. It took a long time for him to be happy with it, but after a few months of painting going over it and starting again he was finally pleased with it. He had painted different lyrics and music notes onto the wall in black paint leaving gaps to form letters. Letters which spelt out the word ‘Invisiblesinger’. On the other walls he had written in light blue paint ‘You may be invisible but when someone finally sees you, it means they’re someone special.’ It kept him going, it did whenever he felt like he was alone. He would always add little drawings to the wall whenever he didn’t have anything to do, he tried to mainly focus on little cute cartoons of animals. He also had a small couch in there, a stereo and a bookcase. All second hand.

The day went pretty much as normal but Matthew seemed to be day dreaming more than normal, luckily he was in high sets for most things so he didn’t have any lessons with Gilbert or his friends. It was lunch but he knew it would be a bad idea to go to the lunch hall, so he went outside and just walked down the wall for a bit, not really knowing what to do with himself. He would normally listen to music and sit outside and eat. But it didn’t feel right without music and because he didn’t have his phone he couldn’t listen to any. Also it was freezing and the cold Christmas froze him, so he had to keep moving. He knew he couldn’t avoid Gilbert forever- but he could try.

Suddenly, he heard a cry from behind him, it was like he had jinxed it.   
“Vogel, wait up, Vogel!” But that’s the last thing he was going to do, so he sprinted. As fast as possible, but unfortunately that wasn’t very fast and he couldn’t keep it up for long. Gilbert caught up with him and put a hand on his shoulder, Matthew pulled back in horror hitting his head against the brick wall behind him. The impact made him weak and his knees collapsed. He fell to the ground and looked up at Gilbert and held out his shaking hands.  
“Mein Gott, are you okay, Vogel? Let me-“ But Matthew cut him off. He knows he shouldn’t but he couldn’t think right now he was so terrified.  
“Please!” He cried, he could feel tears rolling down his face, “Please, don’t hurt me! Don’t hurt me, oh God please don’t. I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry. I wasn’t flirting with Arthur, I promise I wasn’t… Please, don’t. I’m sorry for running away but please. I’m so scared, I just want to go home. Please don’t kill me. Please don’t hurt me. Please don’t, please. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry…” Matthew just kept sobbing out the words ‘I’m sorry’ over and over again hoping that Gilbert would let him go. His chest really hurt he didn’t want to die, but this was it Gilbert was going to kill him.

As Matthew sobbed and begged for Gilbert to not hurt him, Gilbert’s heart absolutely broke. It broke in half. He knew people at school were afraid of him, but until this display he didn’t realise how scared they truly were.

How lowered himself to his knees and slowly moved forward, holding his hands out in front of him.  
“Matthew, you need to calm down, I’m not going to hurt you, I promise. Look let me show you that I’m not going to hurt you.”  
“No no I’m sorry. I’m sorry, please.” Gilbert slowly moved forward and took one of Matthew’s hands in his own and Matthew flinched so badly he hit his head on the wall again. His let out a small pained noise and Gilbert wanted to help but he needed to take this slow. He started rubbing a little warmth back into Matthew’s hands.  
“Matthew come away from the wall, please you’re hurting yourself.” Gilbert moved forward and put his hands around Matthew’s waist and gently pulled him into his lap. Matthew thrashed and tried to get Gilbert to let go of him- but Gilbert wouldn’t let him go, in fear of Matthew hurting himself. He placed his hand on the back of Matthews head and brought his hand away, he could see blood. Suddenly, Matthew threw his head back and hit Gilbert in the jaw, and that seemed to snap Matthew out of his thrashing. He stilled in Gilbert’s lap as if he could stay still enough for Gilbert to forget he was there.  
“Matthew, listen to me okay?” Matthew nodded squeezing his eyes shut, letting tears roll down his face- he had just head butted Gilbert… “It’s okay, I’m not going to hurt you. I’m not going to kill you. All those rumours that go around about me and my friends are just rumours, okay. I’m not going to hurt you.” Gilbert sat with Matthew as he calmed down just saying ‘I’m not going to hurt you.’ Hoping that Matthew would understand what he was saying. After a few minutes Matthew let out a slow, shaky breath.   
“I’m really sorry for head-butting you…”  
“It’s okay, Vogel. Are you feeling any better? You hit your head pretty bad, it’s bleeding a little I think.” Matthew slowly brought a trembling hand up to his head and brought it back seeing a little bit of blood.  
“It’s okay, it’s just a scratch. Heads bleed a lot… It looks worse than it is.”  
“Shall we move and sit on that bench over there?” Gilbert asked pointing over to the bench near them; it was during class now so no one would bother them.  
“Ja.” Matthew replied in German, hoping not to upset Gilbert any further and speaking in Gilbert’s first language might appease him. He saw Gilbert make a face at his use of German and he couldn’t decipher if it was a good look or a bad one. 

Honestly Gilbert didn’t know whether he liked Vogel speaking in German or not, because obviously it was nicer on his ears but he didn’t want Matthew to feel obligated to do anything for him.

“You know, Vogel, you don’t have to speak German to me, it doesn’t really make a difference to me…” Gilbert said as he helped Matthew to his feet and he held him under the arms as they walked, not knowing if he could support himself.  
“Which would make you happier?” Matthew asked tentatively.  
“I don’t mind honestly, I understand English as well as I understand German so neither would make me ‘happier’.”  
“Oh, okay…” Matthew didn’t know what to do with that answer, so he just opted for speaking English because Gilbert could get angry if he made a mistake in German. They made it to the bench and sat down. Gilbert took of a cloth he was wearing tied around his wrist and held it to Matthew’s cut on the back of his head.  
“Gilbert, I don’t want to get blood on your cloth…”  
“Don’t worry about it seriously. It’s fine, Vogel. Do you remember what the last thing I said to you was when I walked out of detention?” Gilbert asked, and laughed slightly. Matthew frowned he had forgotten. “I said that you needed to learn to chill out, I guess you haven’t learnt how to do that yet, you’re still so uptight. But that’s okay- I’ll help you chill out.” The last sentence Gilbert seemed to be talking to himself more than he was talking to Matthew. Gilbert seemed to snap out of his trance which he had fallen into. “Oh, by the way, I’ve got your phone. Don’t worry I didn’t look through it or anything.” He said pulling it out of his pocket and handing it to Matthew.

They sat in silence for a bit Gilbert played on his own phone and Matthew just sat there letting Gilbert hold the cloth to the back of his head. He was pretty sure the bleeding had stopped but he didn’t say anything. It was a good job that he was quite good at school as well considering how many classes he was missing. He would be able to catch up but he wasn’t sure about Gilbert, he didn’t want to sound like a nagging mother so he didn’t really say anything. Plus some people got violent and emotional when they thought about the fact they might fail.

Without warning Gilbert turned his phone off and put it in his pocket, and took his hand away from Matthew head, checked his head and decided that it was fine.  
“You’ll be fine. The bleeding stopped and I can’t see anything. You might have a bump for a bit but you’ll live.”  
“I know, I’ve had worse.” He said touching the back of his head tentatively. Gilbert frowned slightly but then stopped pretty quickly.  
“Vogel?” He said waiting to get Matthew’s attention. It took a few seconds but Matthew finally looked at him.  
“You know I’m not going to hurt you right?” Gilbert needed Mathew to understand it. He didn’t know why it meant so much to him that Matthew knew he wasn’t going to hurt him, but it just did.  
“Yes…” Matthew spoke slowly, and that wasn’t good enough for Gilbert.  
“Are you only saying that because that’s what you think I want to hear?” There was a long pause as Matthew considered his answer, which was pretty much of an answer in its own way.  
“Yes…” He closed his eyes and the was breathy as he didn’t want to speak it.  
“That’s okay- I’ll prove that I’m not going to hurt you.” Gilbert glanced down at his phone looking at the time, before looking at Matthew. “Well, I need to go to detention, I’ll see you Monday okay? Oh and Vogel you don’t have to but I’d really like it if you sat with us at lunch on Monday, the other guys won’t hurt you. I’ll see you around, Vogel.” With that he walked off leaving Matthew sitting on the bench.


	8. Chapter 8

Matthew was sitting on his bed munching on a chocolate from his advent calendar. It was the first. He loved Christmas, because his dads would be home more. His dads weren’t home even though it was a Saturday and it was 10 o’ clock in the morning and he was still in bed.

He was sitting on his laptop trying to learn some lyrics for a song he wanted to do. Someone had suggested Born this way by Lady Gaga, he had never really listened to Lady Gaga but he didn’t have anything against her so why not?

Matthew imagined it to be quite funny watching him learning new lyrics but sometimes it was quite frustrating.

He would stumble over some of the faster lyrics then he would rewind the song to the start and start all over again. He was especially having trouble with the bit of the song which went;  
You're black, white, beige, chola descent  
You're Lebanese, you're orient  
Whether life's disabilities  
Left you outcast, bullied, or teased  
Rejoice and love yourself today  
'cause baby you were born this way.  
It was mainly the first bit it was fast and fucked up his mouth. He persisted with the song though because it meant something to one of his listeners and the words spoke to him as well. ‘No matter gay straight or bi. Lesbian, transgendered life I'm on the right track baby, I was born to survive.’

Survive. The word stuck out to him, and it made him think about how lucky he was to have two dads that were excepting of everything he was. True they didn’t know he was gay- but he hadn’t told them, not because he was afraid of what they’d do but because he never felt the need to.

So he sat on his bed reading the lyrics singing along in not his best voice and restarting it when he messed up.

Suddenly his phone went off playing the opening to one of his favourite animes. He always dreaded his phone going off at school. He paused the song and cleared his throat before picking up the phone and answering it.  
“Hi dad.” He said without looking at the caller ID, he had no friends so the only people who call him are his dads. A chuckle came from the other end of the phone,  
“Well, Vogel, I’m flattered but I don’t exactly think of you like that.” It was Gilbert..  
“G-Gilbert? H-how, why..?” He didn’t know what to say.  
“Oh I put my number in your phone when I had it, I didn’t do anything else though. Cross my undead heart.” He laughed again.  
“Okay, why?” Matthew didn’t have a problem he just didn’t understand why Gilbert would want his number.  
“I don’t know, why do you think?” He paused for dramatic effect, “maybe cause we’re friends? What a crazy idea that is, Vogel.” Matthew smirked a bit as Gilbert laughed, Gilbert’s happiness was infectious, but he hadn’t laughed at anyone other than his dads in a long time.  
“F-fair enough. But why are you calling me now?” Gilbert paused.  
“You know I’m not actually sure you know… Wanna go out with me and the lads anywhere?” Matthew was shocked for a few seconds. He was being asked to go out. He hadn’t been asked to go anywhere with anyone in ages, and then his brain kicked in- this had GOT to be a trap. Why would Gilbert want to take him out, he had caused him nothing but trouble since the moment they met.

“Oh no, that’s fine. I wouldn’t want to get in you and your friends way, anyway I’ve got c-chores and stuff to do…”  
“Are you sure, Vogel? They do want to see you- they seemed to like you a lot, but you don’t have to if you don’t want to. You wouldn’t be getting in the way though.”  
“I-I’m going to have to d-decline, but thank you. I would like t-to come but I have c-chores to do.”  
“Okay, another time then. See you around Vogel.” Gilbert said before hanging up. Matthew started to cringe but he shook it off. He really did have chores and he should probably get started. Pulling on some loose comfortable pyjama trousers with pockets. He slipped his phone into his pocket plugged his head phones in and started making his way downstairs to start the washing and other boring things. About three hours later at 1 he had finished his chores and he had gone into his little room to do a bit of recording before going shopping.


	9. Chapter 9

“So, Gil, is he coming or what?” Antonio asked. He was sitting in Francis’ house with Antonio before they went and did whatever, probably going to buy cheap unhealthy food and going to the skate park to listen to obnoxiously loud music.  
“No he’s not.” Gilbert said and Francis’ looked disheartened. “I didn’t want to make it seem like I was forcing him, he’s so freaking scared, man, and I really don’t want him to be.”  
“I know, mon cher, me too. I actually really want to see him again,” Gilbert gave him a look, “not for anything like that. I’ve got my lovely Brit to pine after haven’t I? But I mean I want to apologise to him, I feel really bad. Also he seems quite sweet- a nice friend.” Gilbert sighed and slid his phone into his black skinny jeans pocket.  
“You know he seemed calmer over the phone. He stuttered less.” Antonio piped in;  
“Maybe that’s because he can’t see us Gil. The kid’s small, and he’s obviously had some problems before and the fact that he’s told that shit about us everyday at school doesn’t help him trust us or you and over the phone maybe to him it doesn’t seem as real compared to when he can see you. Also he’s obviously scared of you hurting him physically a lot and you can’t hurt him through the phone.” Gilbert stood silently as he let Antonio’s words sink in and he realised with horror that he was right.  
“Also,” Francis added, “he’s probably going to be saying sorry a lot for head butting you, and I know if I were in his position I would be.” Gilbert just nodded before sighing and putting a fake smile on his face. “He probably thinks you want some form of revenge for him hurting you as well.”  
“Yhea you’re probably right. Well that’s enough depressing scheize for now. Shall we get going?” He clapped his hands together and Francis and Antonio stood up from the couch and they all started making their way to the front door with their skateboards.


	10. Chapter 10

“Knulla!” (Fuck!) He cursed in Swedish as he messed up the line again stumbling over the words, he didn’t like how she said them. The way the words rolled off his tongue felt strange, even so he restarted the track cleared his throat.

He stepped up to the mic and took a deep breath and started to sing. It was breathy at the start before becoming clearer when the first verse starts.  
Here it came the part where he always stumbled and had to start again, but for some reason he didn’t stumble this time and the song carried on. After another two minutes of singing and the words flowing from his mouth smoothly without any hiccups and stumbles he finished the song,  
“Herregud! Ja!” (Oh my god! Yes!) He shouted after he finished the track, “Finally.” He took his head phones off and placed them around the microphone; he would do the editing later and check it out to see it was okay. He looked at the clock on the wall and saw that he had been in there for a few hours and it was late now around five o’clock. He always lost track of time singing.

He should go shopping and get some food in. He came out of his little room and shut the door that was on the floor and placed the rug over it to hide it just in case someone came home, unlikely but you could never be too careful.

He pulled out a hoodie from his cupboard and slipped it over his head feeling the warms folding around his body, it was his favourite hoodie. It was red and it had a maple leaf on and it said Canada underneath. It‘s not like he was really patriotic but his dad had bought it him and he really liked it, it was warm. It was worn in places but he liked it that way.

He grabbed his phone and took his large headphones, not the ones that go in your ears. He preferred the small ones but this way it was clear to anyone who looked at him that he was listening to music. He grabbed his keys and slipped them in his jeans pocket before grabbing his wallet and slipping on his converse.

He started making his way down to the local convince store. He was only going to get a few essentials as he would need his parents to do a large shop, because he’d need a car. As he walked he let the music sink into his ears, he was listening to a rather fast song because he wanted to be pumped, he didn’t know why but he felt like it. He was listening to a song called Monster by Skillet. He had it really loud and he was pretty sure people would be able to hear it if the shop was quiet enough. It had this really loud throat screaming bit. It had just started when he got into the store.

He grabbed a basket and started making his way around the store mouthing the words, unconsciously walking to the timing of the song. He picked up a loaf of brown bread; he was trying to be healthier. Some flavoured water – he really liked flavoured water, drank it like the clappers. It was heavy but he could manage. Some eggs, some strawberries and some whipped cream, he always made these little strawberry Santas at Christmas, his dads liked them. He got some strawberry milkshake as well, he drank that a lot too, he also got some black icing for the Santas, and a pint of milk. As he walked around listening to his violent music he thought that he would get Chinese on the way home, it was Saturday and he didn’t feel like cooking. Plus because he had been recording he hadn’t really eaten properly.

Suddenly, as the really loud bit of the song came on and the screaming started someone tapped his shoulder. He quickly reached up and pulled his headphones off- true he wore them so people wouldn’t talk to him but if someone does talk to him he didn’t intend to be rude.

He turned around to face the person tapping him and placed his headphones around his neck letting the rest on his shoulders.  
“I’m so sorry, was my music too loud?” He asked then he realised who he was looking at. 

Gilbert.

“Hey, Vogel.” Gilbert smiled at him, and then went quiet and he could clearly hear Matthew’s music and he frowned slightly before laughing. “Well, Vogel, I didn’t expect you to like such violent music, whoa.”  
Matthew laughed awkwardly before reaching into his pocket and pulling his phone out and pausing his music.  
“H-Hi, Gilbert. What are you doing in here?” Matthew asked and then felt a bit silly for asking.  
“Oh I’m just getting some snacks for me and the guys, you remember Francis and Antonio, right?”  
“I remember Francis, i-isn’t he with Arthur? B-but I can’t remember A-Antonio…”  
“Oh, scheize, yhea I forgot I never actually introduced you to Anto. He was the one sitting next to you, the one who first spoke in German. He’s Spanish. And the Francis-Arthur situation, they’re not exactly openly going out but everyone’s pretty sure that they are.” Gilbert laughed, “Not that it’s a problem if they are.” Matthew smiled sheepishly, not really knowing what to say.   
“Gil!” Someone shouted from the other side of the store, before they heard steps coming towards them. Gilbert turned around to face where the voice was calling him from. At the end of the isle Francis, and who Matthew assumed to be Antonio appeared. Francis was ranting, quite loudly. “What the merde (fuck) is taking you so long?” Francis slowed his walk and let his sentence trail off when he saw Matthew.

He walked up to them slowly, cautiously as if Matthew was an animal that might run if he did anything to rash or without warning. He looked upset. Antonio followed behind him looking between Gilbert and Matthew with a smirk on his face, not a cruel smirk, but more of an amused one.  
“Bonjour, Matthieu, how are you?” He asked gently, walking up to him staying about four to five steps away from him.  
“Bonjour, Francis, je suis bien merci. Et toi?” (Hello, Francis, I’m good thank you. And you?”)  
“Je vais bien.” (I’m good) Francis smiled but he still looked sad. “Look, Matthieu, I know you’re probably still frightened of me, but I’m never going to hurt you I swear. And I’m really sorry for scaring you the other day- I was only joking around but I guess it wasn’t obvious enough that I was joking.” Francis sighed, “What I’m trying to say in a really shitty way is I’m sorry and I really don’t want you to be afraid of me.” He smiled at Matthew a little. “Is it okay if we could maybe start over?” He said looking afraid to be hopeful in case Matthew would say no.  
“S-Sure we can.” Francis beamed, and Matthew felt really happy for a moment, by saying three words he had just made this man a lot happier than he was before. Francis held out his hand and Matthew cautiously took it and shook it.  
“Hi, I’m Francis Bonnefoy. Pleased to make your acquaintance.”  
“Hi, I’m M-Matthew Williams.” Matthew thought this was a little silly but he appreciated the effort Francis was making and clearly Francis needed this and it was a little thing Matthew could do to make a lot of good. He took his hand back and swapped the basket from one hadn’t to the other, the other was going numb and hurt slightly from the weight that was being put on his fingers from the milk and flavoured water. Without Matthew realising Antonio had made his way over to Matthew’s side and he took the basket out of his hand. Matthew started a little when Antonio took the basket; he glanced at him before lowering his eyes to Antonio’s chest.

“It looked heavy and your hand is red.” He said pointing at Matthew’s other hand that had gone slightly red from the weight of the basket.  
“Gracias.” He said quietly.  
“It’s okay, I’m Antonio, and I’m guessing that you know I’m Spanish.” Matthew nodded before gesturing towards Gilbert and saying ‘G-Gilbert told me.” As he did that he belatedly realised that he truly was surrounded by the ‘bad touch trio’. He had the shelf behind him with Gilbert to his left, Francis in front of him and Antonio to his right. 

They may have a big group of friend but these three are the best of friends and they are known as the bad tough trio, there are many rumours about why they are called that but Matthew didn’t really are- he just learnt to avoid them and shiver and pale whenever someone spoke the words.

Francis turned to Gilbert sensing that there was going to be an awkward silence,  
“Have you got some snacks yet or were you too busy talking to Matthieu?” He said laughing.  
“Oh Ja sorry.” Gilbert laughed rubbing the back of his neck, “I haven’t gotten anything yet.” Antonio playfully reached over and punched Gilbert in the arm, making Matthew flinch a little, but thankfully they all ignored it. “You’re useless you are, I don’t know why we keep you around…” Gilbert stuck his tongue out at Antonio causing Antonio to snicker, and Francis and Matthew to outright laugh. Matthew tried to muffle it behind his hand- he hated his laugh, and it was so disused it sound really unnatural coming out of his mouth.

It just seemed so strange that Gilbert, the Gilbert Beilschmidt, sticking his tongue out playfully at a friend.

Gilbert glanced at Matthew who had his hand tightly pressed over his mouth and nose hiding them, and stopping any loud noise. He was looking down at the floor, but Gilbert could just about see his eyes, suddenly Matthew seemed to realise what he was doing and who he was around- and much to Gilbert’s disappointment- he quickly sobered up and calmed down, breathing out and keeping his gaze on the floor.

Francis stopped laughing and glanced at Gilbert then Matthew and seemed to sense Gilbert’s disappointment.

“Anyway,” Antonio said -noticing the awkwardness, “we should be getting on. We’ll see you later. Come on guys.” As he spoke he handed the basket to Matthew. Gilbert opened his mouth to say something, but Antonio walked forward physically turned him around and started walking him away speaking to him in a low voice.

Francis looked at Matthew who was looking at the ground, still afraid to be too comfortable around them. This could all still be a trick. A few minutes ago he had lost his cautiousness and he had laughed.  
Francis reached forward and chucked Matthew under the chin lift his head up slightly, Mathew still didn’t reach his eyes but his head was higher,  
“Chin up, Matthew.” He said Matthew’s name in English hoping that it would sound more important to him- even though Matthew’s English name felt foreign on his tongue. He fell into a comfortable jog to catch up with Gilbert and Antonio, leaving Matthew just standing there wondering what the hell had happened. All he knew was that he really wanted his Chinese now.


	11. Chapter 11

“Antonio, what the actual fuck?” Gilbert hissed keeping his voice down. They got around the corner and walked down a few isles to make sure that Matthew wouldn’t be able to find them. They could hear Francis running after them and they knew he would find them; he was good at finding people in shops for some reason.

They stopped walking and Antonio grabbed Gilbert’s shoulders making Gilbert face him.  
“Now, Gilbert, I want you to listen to me without interrupting okay?” He said seriously, he wanted Gilbert to understand this, for both Matthew and Gilbert’s sake.  
“But-“   
“No, you will listen okay.” Gilbert nodded. “Matthew is scared of us, and us includes you, mi amigo. None of us like that fact but that’s a fact that we have to accept because we can’t force him to not be afraid, that is something that he has to come to terms with on his own. It may happen quickly, it may happen slowly. Unfortunately, he may never been 100% comfortable around us.” 

Gilbert’s face had gone hard, and Antonio knew he didn’t like what he was hearing. Antonio didn’t like saying it any more than Gilbert liked hearing it.

“He has been conditioned for the entire time he has been going to our school to be afraid of us like every other person in that school has, and that is what it’s going to be like when we’re gone as well, with Ludwig and Romano and Feli.” Antonio paused and looked down, he looked ashamed. “Like it or not Gilbert, we have done this. No one is to blame for his fear than us.” Gilbert opened his mouth but Antonio silenced him by raising a finger up and he carried on talking. “I know that this isn’t what we meant to do when we started trying to get the school to stop doing certain things but this is where we are and we have to accept the consequences of our actions.” He sighed, “I pulled you away because that kid is smart, he is probably thinking about how much of a trap this is… Us, ‘the bad touch trio’ being nice to him. Why? There has to be an alternate motive. He let his caution drop and he scolded himself for it and he will probably continue doing that. He’s probably going to go home tonight and think about everything that just happened and create different scenarios of what will happen next. He’s probably worried about rejecting you earlier as well. I know you were going to invite him out with us and common courtesy or his fear of us hurting him would make it look like he has no choice. I know you were only going to ask him because it’s kind to do so, but he wouldn’t, at this moment in time, want to spend time with us- plus he has a family at home who will probably notice he’s not come home in a while and get worried. And I know you don’t want him to spend time with you, I or anybody in our group because he feels he only has two options; go out with us, or be hurt…” Gilbert nodded letting Antonio’s words sink in, and he realised that Antonio was right.   
“Give it time Gil… He’ll come around. Like I said; he’s smart. But that’s what’s going to hold him away from us for a while, his intelligence won’t let him drop his guard around us again, or at least for a while. Gilbert, you need to remember who you are in his eyes. You aren’t Gilbert. You’re The Gilbert Beilschmidt, someone who put a kid in hospital, and in his mind- he’s the next kid you’ll be putting in hospital if he doesn’t watch himself. Do you understand?”

Gilbert nodded, before deciding to put on a brave face. He smiled;  
“I told you that you’re the mum of the group.” Antonio playfully hit him in the shoulder again, and Francis caught up with them.  
“What’s happened?” He said looking between them.  
“Nothing,” Gilbert said rubbing his shoulder in mock pain, “just Anto being a mother.” Francis laughed and Antonio hit him as well.  
“Come on you two idiots, we need to get out of the shop let’s just buy out shit and leave.” Antonio said walking towards the crisp isle, while Francis and Gilbert followed behind snickering, talking about how Antonio was the mother of the group and that he knew it. 

But all Gilbert could think about was that fact that Antonio was right. He had gotten himself to where he is now, he had pushed himself to the top of the pile and if he could make Matthew’s fear go away he would trade all of that. Yhea it would still be shitty for them but it would make a lot more people happy. Meeting Matthew finally showed Gilbert that the other people in the school were afraid of him, like really afraid of him. And it kind of hurt… He’d never actually hurt anyone, none of his friends would and he would be mortified if they did- but he couldn’t tell anyone that. Not when they had made it so far, and no longer hurting all the time.


	12. Chapter 12

The school bell rang signalling the start of class, he started being really involved in the book he was reading. He had chemistry. He shoved his book into his back and swung his bag onto his back and started making his way to chemistry. He didn’t want to run into Ivan. His chemistry teacher was nice and she wouldn’t be angry if he were late but that didn’t mean he wanted to be. 

He quickly walked around the corner and made his way into class and sat down at his seat in the back and pulled out his chemistry book as his teacher handed out a starter of balancing equations. Matthew wasn’t bad at chemistry but he wasn’t a genius and he didn’t stand out. Which was good- he didn’t want to stand out. But even though it was really nerdy: he loved balancing equations. It was one of the best parts of chemistry. 

It was like one of those puzzles you can play online or in little quiz books or pub quizzes or newspapers. He loved little games that made you think and he loved, absolutely loved quiz games, he was passionate about them- and because of that he had so many useless facts.

1) P + Cl2 → PCl3 . This was easy.  
2P + 3Cl2 → 2PCl3

Needn’t to say Matthew finished pretty quickly and just sat there twiddling his thumbs aimlessly, while the others in his class continued to work. After a few minutes there was a knock at the door. Not a loud knock but not a shy one either.

His teacher stood up and walked over to the door and everyone stopped working to watch and find out who was at the door. She stood in the crack of the door and spoke in a low voice to whoever was outside. Everybody tried to get a look before she turned around to the class and announced;  
“Guys, there are some psychology students here to do a survey and they’re doing it on different classes and they’re going to give you each a survey and sit with a few of you for a bit to do a quick interview.” Matthew started to curse himself for finishing the work so quickly- they were going to want to interview him because he was finished.

Matthew’s worse nightmare stepped into the class. It was two people, Gilbert and Arthur. You could feel the atmosphere get thick and tense as soon as everyone saw them. Two people in the class were going to be interviewed by them and everyone gave a prayer to whomever they worshipped that it wasn’t going to be them. 

Matthew glanced at the girl who sat next to him; they had been put at the back of the room because they were quiet, well behaved and smart enough to not need constant help- not like they asked for it when they needed it. She looked back at him and they both realised that they had both finished the work and that the teacher would point them out to have finished. They both picked up their pens and looked down at their work trying not to be noticed. Gilbert and Arthur were walking around the room placing interview papers in front of each student and each student said a polite and quiet thank you and started filled their own out in their neatest hand writing.  
“Matthew, Anri.” The teacher called over to them. They both sucked in a breath knowing what was coming. “Have you finished your work?” Matthew waited for Anri to answer. And Anri waited for Matthew to answer. They were both socially awkward, had anxiety and were both terrified. 

Over the weekend Matthew had been thinking about what had happened at the supermarket and had come to the conclusion that it was a trap. They were trying to get him to relax so he would slip up.

“I’ll take that as a yes then.” The teacher said sighing. She had been trying to get Matthew and Anri to come out of their shells all year, and in all honesty Matthew thought that she was trying to set them up. “Boys you can take these two out into the hallway to interview them.” Gilbert turned around to the teacher and thanked her as Matthew and Anri stood up tucking their chairs in. Arthur and Gilbert walked out of the room and entire class looked at Matthew and Anri in pity as they slowly followed behind.


	13. Chapter 13

Gilbert and Arthur just asked them questions and they answered them as best they could. When they finished they both stood and started walking back towards the class room wanting to be balancing equations again.

Without any kind of warning, Matthew felt someone grab his arm. He turned around and Arthur was standing there looking at him.   
“Hi, Matthew. How are you?” He asked with what sounded like concern.  
“I-I’m fine, thank you.”  
“Look I don’t want to pressure you or anything but I’m really starting to panic now, will you please tutor me in Lithuanian, I gotta pass man. I will pay you, and I won’t take up all of your time. I mean I get that you’ve got to study as well an’ all but please you are literally my last hope. Please don’t be scared of me.”  
“O-okay, where would you like t-to study?”  
“Really!? Ah, man, thank you so much!” Arthur grabbed his hand and squeezed it and shook it. “I will try so hard, thank you so much! How much do you want me to pay you, I’m sorry I haven’t got that much but I’ll find the money somehow I promise. You can choose where to study, I’ll do whatever. Thank you so much!”  
“Well, we c-could study at my p-place, I have some easy books t-there from when I was young. I don’t know h-how much you know though.” Arthur rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.  
“I’m really not good at languages; can we start from the beginning? Like the basics I mean?”  
“Y-yes that’s fine. W-we all started somewhere, I mean I’m not very g-good at S-Swedish still, so…”  
“S-so how about my house a-at four thirty? For maybe about half an hour for the first session, see if you like it or not?”  
“Yhea, that sounds great, where do you live?”   
“48 Maple Tree way Lane.”  
“Isn’t that like a really posh neighbourhood?” Arthur asked a little surprised.  
“I guess it is… M-my parents work long hours so we h-have a lot of money…”  
“It’s fine, I’m pretty excited to see to your house now.” Arthur shot him a bright smile. “Oh I never said it, but please just ignore all the shit that comes out of Francis’ mouth. Like that wanker doesn’t know when to can it.” He let out a chuckle before rubbing the back of his neck again, before looking at the ground, “How much will it cost?”  
“How about we l-leave the payment for the first time?” Arthur looked up,  
“Really? Are you sure?”  
“Yes, I’m sure.” Without warning Arthur threw his arms around Matthew’s neck in a hug, Matthew tensed and went still before slowly returning the hug.  
“Thank you, Matthew. I really mean it.” Arthur let go and stepped back and clapped him on the shoulder and to Matthew’s own surprise he didn’t flinch. “See you later.” Arthur turned around and started making his way down the corridor to his class.

Gilbert who had been leaning against the wall while the two were speaking righted himself and made his way over to Matthew.  
“Wow.” He said folding his arms across his chest, “he hugged you, that’s rare. He never really touches anyone – like ever in fact.” He let out a small chuckle. “Danke, Vogel, you don’t know what that means to him. He really needs your help. See you later, dude.” With that Gilbert spun and left, Matthew took a breath and let it out slowly before pushing the door to his chemistry classroom open and walking in.


	14. Chapter 14

Matthew walked down the road to his house with his headphones in, he had been stopped by Ivan earlier when he had been walking out of the library to go home so he was running late. He sped up his pace and right now he was pleased that he had said 4.30 but he had wanted to get home and shower, there was a little feeling that Arthur would be angry and take it out him if he was late- but he decided to tell himself that that wasn’t going to happen.

He just kind of let himself forget about anything and let the words wash over him. Fall Out Boy Centuries. He liked the song but he wasn’t sure why, normally he knew why he liked a song but not this one. Maybe because it was slightly ironic.   
‘Remember me for centuries.” He heard a sharp sarcastic bark of a laugh inside his head, no one would remember him. But what could you do, eh?

His pace was giving him stich slightly but he had to get home. He felt someone grab his upper arm and he flinch horrible pulling himself away and spinning around simultaneously. The quick arrangement of movements plus the loss of the complete balance of his ears caused him to fall over, looking up at the person who grabbed him. For a moment he had a massive fear that it was Ivan.

He still had his earphones on and when he looked up he saw that it was Arthur. Arthur had knelt down next to him and was talking to him. Matthew quickly pulled off his head phones to listen to what Arthur was saying.  
“Holy shit, Matthew are you okay?”  
“I’m fine… sorry”  
“No no, don’t apologise. It’s cool. Are you okay though?”  
“Yes, I’m fine.”  
“Good. I was on my way to yours and I saw you walking down the road so I decided that I could pick you up and just drive you.” He said giving a little smile.  
“T-Thanks, that’s kind.” Arthur stood up and offered Matthew a hand. Matthew took it and was pulled to his feet. Arthur started walking over to his car and walked around the car to get to the driver’s side. Matthew opened the door to the front passenger’s and got in, pulling the door shut and clicking his seatbelt in place. Arthur did the same before starting the car moving down the road. The roads were pretty much empty and the ride only took a few minutes.

Arthur’s car wasn’t especially nice or especially clean, it was just normal. An average car you saw on the road every day. Then again Matthew didn’t know what he had been expecting.  
“Matthew,” Arthur asked interrupting his thoughts, “how come you’re only here, I would have thought that you’d be home by now?”  
“I would be normally but I got half way home a-and realised I’d f-forgotten something in the l-library earlier so I had to go back.” Matthew lied though his teeth and he was pretty sure that it sounded convincing and boring enough that nobody would ask about it. Complicated lies got out of hand quickly. Preferably Matthew wouldn’t lie at all but people, especially people of Gilbert’s gang, couldn’t know about Ivan.  
“Oh okay then fair enough.” They pulled up to Matthew’s house and Matthew stepped out the car and started making his way over to the front door as he pulled his keys out of his pocket. 

When he realised that nobody was by him he looked back at the car. Arthur had gotten out and was staring at the house with his mouth open. Matthew didn’t know what to do so he just stared at him. A few seconds later Arthur seemed to snap out of it and close his mouth and look at Matthew. His face went bright red and he closed the car door and started making his way over to Matthew who was standing by the front door. 

He placed the key in the lock and pushed the door open and stepped in. Arthur followed and closed the door behind him.  
“Wow, you have a really nice house…” Arthur said looking around.   
“Thank you. That’s kind.” Matthew said taking off his coat and placing it on the banister of the stairs and taking off his shoes and placing them by the door. Normally he would put them in his room but right now he just wanted to get his shoes off. “Would you like me to take your coat?”  
“Err, yes please.” Arthur said as he took his coat off and handed it to Matthew, “Do you want me to take my shoes off too?”  
“If you could please.” Matthew said quietly as he hung up Arthur’s coat. “Would you like a drink or something?”   
“I’ll have a coke if you have one please.” Arthur asked.  
“We have diet. Is that okay?”  
“Yhea that’s fine.” Matthew went into the kitchen and poured them both a glass, and walked into the living room. Arthur was standing in the middle of the room looking around his mouth slightly open. Matthew slowly walked over and placed the glasses on the table, the noise of the glass hitting the table seemed to shock Arthur out of his trance and he jumped a little.  
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”  
“No, it’s fine- I was off in my own world.” Arthur let out a little chuckled and lowered himself onto the seat. “I’m sorry if I’m acting a little strange it’s just that I’m not used to having such nice things around me- I don’t know what to do with myself to be quite honest with you.” Letting out another nervous chuckle. 

Matthew decided not to pry into Arthur’s life and ask about his home because the comment about not having nice things around him had taken him a back a little but he decided to ignore it and continue, he let a relaxed smile rest on his face- that probably came out a little more awkward that he would have liked.   
“It’s fine honesty. Just relax I’ll go and get some stuff to start off with.”  
“Okay.” Arthur smiled as he lent forward and picked up a glass of coke and brought it to his lips and sipped as Matthew left the room and jogged up the stairs. He grabbed his Lithuanian books from when he was younger some paper and a folder and some pens. He came back down the stairs and went into the living room to find Arthur sitting in the exact same place as where he was before. Arthur glanced at him when he came in and placed his drink back on the coffee table.

“Right, so I-I’ve got you a beginners book to start off w-with because I don’t know how much you k-know. I don’t mean to b-be insulting.”  
“No it’s fine.” Arthur turned a slight shade of pink, “to be quite honest, I would like to start from the very beginning if that’s okay with you?” Arthur spoke as Matthew sat on the couch by him- not too close but not too far.  
“That’s fine with me, we all start somewhere - ne mes?” (Don’t we?)  
“I’m sorry?”  
“Oh I’ll be speaking Lithuanian around you, not too much but it will help you learn faster. Taip?” (Yes)  
“That means ‘yes’ right?” He asked a little hesitantly.  
“Yup, see you’re learning already, geras!” A little smile came onto Arthur’s face even though he tried to hide it. “Right let’s start. I’ll write you out some simple vocab, gerai?” (Okay?)  
“…Taip?”  
“Gerai, taip taip” (Well done, yes yes)

They studied for an hour not realised that they’d gone over their time until the clock chimed loudly and Arthur remembered he had to go.  
“Ačiū, Matthew, it means a lot. Really.” (Thank you)  
“Prašom. It’s not a problem.” (You’re welcome) Matthew had relaxed a lot during the session, had stopped stuttering as much and as the session went on he corrected Arthur more confidently. It made Arthur happy that he had relaxed- maybe it was because he was speaking a language that way familiar to him, or because he was in his own home, or because he’s realised that Arthur wasn’t going to hurt him- but Arthur doubted that it was the latter.


	15. Chapter 15

He went through the same old boring routine, he got dressed he brushed his teeth made himself breakfast watched telly and then left the house and started his same old boring way to school. Walking with his head phones in, listening to ACDC. He suddenly felt like listening to some classic rock, so why not?

As he walked down the road he just let the music sink in and suddenly the cat came out. He nearly always stopped and stroked him on the way to school and back, he would like a cat or a puppy. He knelt down and started fussing the cat talking to him in a low voice- still with his head phones in. After a few minutes he stood up and continued walking already feeling a bit better about his day.

He walked through the gates and took his headphones out and put his phone in his pocket. People were already walking to go to class and so the day begins… He already wanted to go home.

He managed to push his way through the crowds of people- but most of the pushing done was being pushed into lockers, and feeling as if the locks were going to bruise his shoulders. He was wearing a black and red flannel shirt open and a black shirt underneath with some back skinny jeans.

He was grabbed by his red and black shirt and he felt himself being pulled backwards almost tripping several times. He was glad he wasn’t holding any books because he surely would have dropped them when he started scratching and the hands grabbing him.

Matthew was scared, so scared he couldn’t think right- if he had been thinking right he would have slipped his arm out of the sleeves, his shirt wasn’t even done up. The crowded hallway parted for them but Matthew barely even noticed that he was too busy worrying about who had grabbed him- right now it was an equal guess for any on the Bad Touch Gang or Ivan.

He heard an icy laugh of a female- he recognised that, it was Natalia, Ivan’s demented girlfriend. Although she was really fucking strong this wasn’t Natalia. He kept scrambling to get Ivan’s hand off him but it was no use and before he knew it he was outside being thrown on the ground. He landed heavily on his elbow but didn’t make a noise; it was going to get a lot worse from now. His bag was ripped of his back before he could recover and open his eyes to face Ivan. Ivan grabbed him and pulled him over his shoulder, carrying him outside where they would have more privacy and the teachers wouldn’t see. When they were outside he threw him on the ground and Matthew Curled in on himself, pain from falling on the concrete.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Ivan asked and Matthew knew what he meant a long time ago Ivan had insisted that he show him the proper respect when he came and spoke to him.

Matthew grimaced but brought himself to his knees and crossed his arms behind his back looking at the floor. He closed his eyes and looked at the ground thinking about how much of his blood will decorate the gravel that was currently digging into his knees. A pair of purple heels came into his vision, Natalia. 

He felt her place her perfectly manicured hand atop his blonde hair and he flinched even at the light contact, knowing about his vulnerable place right now. He just expected the pain to rain down on him.  
“Oh, Ivan, I’m impressed! He’s so obedient.” The last word was hissed out, in a cruel malicious tone that had venom drip off it in buckets. “Practically a puppy! And cute as well, but not as cute as you honey. He’s cute in a helpless way.” Each word was meant to be a knife that stabbed a cut of humiliation at Matthew and it worked, each word he felt more and more ashamed of the position he was in.  
“But, Nat. I think he needs to be taught a lesson. He was disobedient. When I grabbed his collar he scratched me. If we let him get away with little things he’ll just get worse. Don’t you agree?”

Natalia’s hand still rested on his head but the palm that had been simply resting a few minutes ago now was digging in nails to the soft ball on his head. He heard her give a slight chuckle, and he shivered and started trembling. Sometimes he thought that she was even more cruel that her sadistic boyfriend.

“As much as I hate to admit it, I did see him scratch at you- I think you’re right. But how shall we punish him? I stupid pup wouldn’t understand scolding words; he’ll only understand physical means of chastisement.”  
“I agree, shall we begin?”   
“I think we shall.” Matthew closed his eyes shut and quickly raised up a hand to Ivan with an open palm, a plea for him to wait. Nothing happened for a few seconds and Matthew slowly opened his eyes.  
“M-m-m-m-may I-I…” He stuttered too hard to get his words out and he could feel his time running out. Suddenly a vicious hand grabbed at his chin, and Ivan’s eyes were suddenly close to his own.  
“Spit it out bitch.”  
Matthew swallowed thickly before attempting another go at speaking, “Y-Yes, s-sir. May I-I remove m-my g-glasses?” Ivan reached his hands up and Matthew flinched back expecting some sort of ‘punishment’. Ivan tutted but continued, he took off Matthew’s glassed and placed the on top of Matthew’s bag out of the way and Matthew let out a little sigh of relief, it would be hard to explain why his glasses broke.

He lifted his fist in the air for the first punch. It connected with his cheek sooner than he thought- not having time to prepare himself. He felt a warm trickled by the top of his lip, realising that his nose had started bleeding. He let out a little cry.

Before he managed to get himself together again another punch landed followed by a slap with manicured nails. The punch made a metallic liquid fill his mouth and the slap made what felt like four scratched that were bleeding on his cheek. One of the punches had caught his ear, making it ring and he was now unable to see or hear. He was terrified but then nothing happened, he slowly opened his eyes, he could see a little bit. Ivan was standing and looking at him expectantly. 

He quickly realised that his phone was ringing in his pocket so he quickly righted himself and pulled it out of his pocket- he’d never thought he’d say this but he hoped it was Gilbert. He could maybe help him.   
“Answer it and put it on speaker.” Natalia spat at him and he did what she said.  
“Hallo, Vogel.” It was Gilbert and he was talking German! This was fucking perfect- he could speak freely without the others knowing what he was saying, they could only speak English and some limited Russian.  
“H-Hallo, Gilbert. Ich möchte Sie irgendwo in bald zu treffen, wählen Sie Ihnen, wo.” (I want to meet you soon, you choose where.)  
“Wirklich?” (Really)  
“J-Ja. S-Sprich eine z-zeit, die wirklich schnell, und wo in Englisch ist.” (Y-yes. S-say a t-time that's really soon and where in English.)  
“Warum? Bist du in Ordnung?” (Why? Are you okay?)  
“Ja. Mir geht es gut.” (Yes I’m fine.)  
“Okay well, do you want to meet in five minutes at the park?” Gilbert asked and Matthew’s heart raced he was doing it! He just hoped what he was about to say didn’t throw Gilbert off. He looked up at Ivan and Ivan shook his head, telling him to say now like he knew he would.  
“Erm, no. I’m a l-little b-busy right now.” There was a pause on the other end of the phone as Gilbert tried to understand what was happening- probably really confused.  
“Well Matthew I really need to talk to you. What the hell could you be doing that’s so busy? You don’t have any friends, and this is really important.” Ivan shook his head at him again.  
“Look, Gilbert, I really can’t come, I told you I’m-.” Gilbert cut him off. A trail of blood dripped into his mouth from his bleeding nose. It tastes really bad but at this point he was quite used to the taste so it didn’t bother him as much.  
“If you’re not at the park in 10 minutes I’ll call the police” Gilbert said, and Matthew looked up Ivan who had closed his eyes and nodded, in acceptance that he wasn’t going to have his play thing for as long as he thought.  
“O-okay, I’ll meet you there.” Matthew said, feeling his heart leap in relief. He hung up the phone and looked at the time, 1.03, meaning he has to be there by 1.13. He looked up at Ivan and Ivan slowly bends down and places a somewhat gentle hand on top of Matthew head, making him flinch, and rubbed his head. 

“Until next time, nobody.” He spoke rising to his normal height and walking off with Natalia. He waited until they rounded the corner before he let a sob escape his lips and he crossed his arms over his chest. He felt like he was going to have a panic attack. He couldn’t, he didn’t want to. He hated panic attacks… He slowly brought his shaking hand up to his face and wiped the blood off his face and when he pulled his hand down it was covered in sticky blood. He leant his head forward and placed it on the gravel and sobbed. He sobbed his heart out. He felt trapped, and he knew this feeling. He always felt like this before a panic attack. 

He felt trapped, like he couldn’t get away, he couldn’t get out. It was like being in a broken lift with a time bomb. It was like running on a treadmill, working hard, sweating and crying but only staying in the same place, never going anywhere.

He slowing bought his wrist into his line of vision and looked at the watch on his wrist, 1.09. The park was only down the road, so he did what he always did. He took breaths and moved over to his bag. There he pulled out a mirror, baby wipes, foundation and concealer. He didn’t know much about makeup but he knew how to get by.

He inspected the damage and saw four cuts from Natalia’s finger nails, like he expected. A busted lip. And a bruised eye. He took out the baby wipe and wiped his face, not only to get the blood and tears off- but it cooled down his face and made him feel clean. When that was done he put the foundation and he looked in the mirror. The bruise on his eye and the cuts were still visible and there was no way to cover up a busted lip but at least they looked better than before. He then put the concealer on and the bruise was gone and the cuts just looked like four red lines. This was okay.

He pulled on his glasses and pulled his bag onto his back still feeling as if was going to but he had to meet Gilbert.

He looked at his watch, 1.07. He’d have to be quick. He stood up, placed his glasses on and started making his way to the park- speed walking trying to come up with an excuse for both Gilbert and for missing class.


	16. Chapter 16

He was walking to the park, well walking wasn’t really the word it was more shuffling and sprinting at the same time. He had two minutes left and he shuffled in the park, taking a deep breath to attempt to stifle his panic attack and stop his shaking hands.

He walked up the water fountain which was the normal place to meet in the park as it was right near the centre and it was one of the most known places- plus it was very beautiful. It had stone works of five animals, a frog, a bull, a unicorn, a hummingbird, and an eagle, each animal was in some form releasing water and they were all rested on top of one another. With the bull and unicorn at the bottom and then the frog and then the eagle and at the very top the humming bird, which squirted water out of its closed beak.

Matthew heard his phone ring so he pulled it out of his pocket and answered it.  
“Vogel? Sind Sie in den Park?” (Are you in the park) Gilbert spoke in German, and it rolled off his tongue beautifully.  
“J-ja. Ich bin am Brunnen. “Y-yes I’m at the fountain.”  
“Okay, ich bin spät dran, aber ich werde es in ein paar Minuten.” (Okay, I’m running late but I’ll be there in a few minutes)  
“Oh, okay” Matthew said in his normal voice and hung up his phone. He looked around and quickly remembered that it was midday and everyone was in work or school, so he was alone. He sat down on the side of the fountain and listened to the rushing water for a few seconds before folding his legs under himself and pulling his back pack off his shoulders and placing it next to him.

He pulled open the zip and reached inside and pulled out a book. It was one of his favourites and he had chosen it to write an essay on. It’s called ‘The Gospel Of Loki. Lokibrenna’. It was Norse mythology but written with a twist. It was the typical story of Norse mythology but told from Loki’s perspective- so readers could see the motives and the brilliance behind the schemes Loki comes up with.

He started reading and became lost within the words of the books, printed on the rough paper. He loved reading, he loved the feeling of become lost in your own world, where you can’t hear anything, where nothing exists outside of the story and pages. He lost sense of time, he forgot where he was and he just sat and read and he didn’t know for how long but he didn’t care. 

He didn’t notice when someone sat next to him, only being pulled out of his trance when his arm was grabbed. He flinched terribly and dropped his book, thankfully there was no puddles so his book wasn’t ruined. He looked up at the person who had grabbed him and saw it was a certain German albino. He was still in a little daze and threw himself off the fountain and onto the ground backing away while looking and Gilbert who was staring at him in shock. He was shaking slightly, but surprisingly he didn’t feel as if he was going to have a panic attack.

“Vogel, it’s just me okay?” Gilbert said raising his hand in a calming surrender gesture. “I’m not going to hurt you, remember?”  
“I-I know, s-sorry I was just really submerged in my b-book.” He stuttered out and he still didn’t believe Gilbert that he wasn’t going to hurt him, but he would just go along with it, Gilbert sighed and reached down and picked the book up off the ground and spoke as he put his thumb on the page Matthew was one before closing to look at the title.  
“I know you don’t believe me, Vogel, but that’s okay, I won’t hurt you and you’ll realise that I mean it eventually. ‘The Gospel of Loki’ huh?” Gilbert spoke as if the first comment were a throw away suggestion but it stuck out to Matthew, but he decided that it would be in his better interest not to comment on it.   
“Err, yhea.” He said as he stood up and sat back on the fountain but this time he was a little tenser and didn’t sit too close to Gilbert. Gilbert was studying the cover before flipping it and skim reading the blub and passing it back to Matthew.  
“That looks good. It’s like Loki out of the Avengers right?”  
“Yes, the g-god he was based off.”

“I like the avengers, it’s a good film, do you like that kind of…” Gilbert stopped midsentence and Matthew looked up from the book sitting in his lap to look at Gilbert’s face. “Do you have cuts on your face?”

Matthew reached up and covered the four ‘cuts’ they were more gashes but the makeup made them look better.  
“Oh, y-yea. Don’t w-worry about it t-though.”  
“No, I’m going to worry about it. First you want you hang out with me and tell me to say a location soon in English, during school mind you. Second, you’re afraid of me- so unless you’re self-destructive, which I think is the last thing you are, so why would you want to hang out with me. Third you show up with cuts on your face, that’s not normal, explain. Do I need to beat someone up?” His voice was bitter throughout the whole speech, spitting out words with pure hated that made Matthew flinch. Matthew lowered his eyes, afraid of provoking Gilbert when he was clearly angry.  
“N-no, it’s fine. Seriously.”  
“EXPLAIN, MATTHEW.” He used his name, he was pissed. Matthew raised his hands in a surrendering gestor as he spoke.  
“O-okay, my Dad was a-angry with me for s-sleeping in, so he was s-shouting at me a-and then you rang m-me, s-so I used y-you as an excuse to l-leave. And then o-on the way here I-I stopped t-to pet a cat and it s-swiped at me and c-caught my face.” He was shaking horribly and his voice was stuttering, Gilbert was angry and he didn’t know how stable or how unstable Gilbert was, so the best thing in his mind to cower and be submissive. 

Gilbert stood up and he flinched away, before Gilbert raised his hands up.  
“Okay, Matthew. It’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you. It’s okay, okay. Just breathe. Do you want to get some ice cream? I’ll pay.”  
“Y-yhea I would like that.” Matthew spoke standing up, barely believing that he got away with that excuse.  
“Okay then, come on.” Matthew pulled his back pack on and Gilbert stood and started walking and Matthew jogged a few paces to keep up with him.  
“So… what’s your favourite flavour?” Gilbert asked as they walked to the ice cream parlour.


	17. Chapter 17

Matthew was sitting at the table in the ice cream parlour slowly licking at his ice cream as his eyes trailed across the page. Gilbert was in the bathroom and surprisingly Matthew had had a really good time, he was a little nervous to start off with but had slowly started to relax. He had a cherry and lemon ice cream that Gilbert had bought him and it was sour but it had a nice homely tang to it. Torris loved anything cherry flavoured and fruity and Feliks loved anything really sweet and sticky and chocolaty. Matthew had adopted his Tėtis’ flavours, but he still liked his chocolate flavours.

Suddenly, his book was snatched out of his hand and his head snapped up to look at the person who had stolen his novel. It was Sadiku, he was from Turkey and he wasn’t necessarily a bully but he was violent. 

“Oh, h-hi Sadiku.” Matthew said looking at his neck, he struggled looking anyone in the eyes except his fathers.   
“Oh don’t ‘hi’ me, Alfred.” Shit, he thought he was Alfred and Sadiku had a massive problem with Alfred, damn their similar genetics.  
“Oh, n-no, Sadiku, I’m not Alfred. I’m Matthew Williams, we j-just look…”  
“Oh yhea okay ‘Matthew Williams’” He put on a mocking voice and did quote marks when he said his name, using the hand that wasn’t holding his books. “You just look like frigin clones do you?”  
“Y-yhea, we look really similar, b-but I swear to you I’m n-nothing like Jones at all, he doesn’t e-even know who I am. N-no one does.” His stutter was slowly increasing and getting worse like it always did when he was under pressure.   
“Do you think I’m stupid just because I’m not from the stupid States of America? Huh? Because I’m not stupid and I know that you are Alfred. F. Jones. Stand up.”  
“What?” Matthew asked perplexed.   
“Now who’s the stupid one? I said stand up, Amerikan. We’re going to fight.” He said getting even worked up and angry, he was drawing attention and that was the worst thing. People were staring.  
“P-please stop, I don’t want a-any trouble.” He whispered but Sadiku heard all the same.   
“Yhea, well this is what I think of your trouble.” He said loudly before he reached up and started ripping pages out of the book. Matthew just watched in horror, his mouth agape, feeling a mixture of emotions rip through his mind and heart. He felt angry, helpless, scared, and upset. 

A hand came into vision and ripped the book out of Sadiku’s hand and Matthew looked up to see Gilbert fuming and holding his book.  
“G-Gilbert?” Sadiku stuttered.  
“Yhea, it’s me. Gilbert fucking Beilschmidt, you don’t wanna pick on me?”  
“N-no sir, of course not.” He spoke looking down.   
“So why pick on him? Huh?” Gilbert put a stress on the word him, and gestured to Matthew as he said it, while Matthew watched with admiration and terror.  
“Well, he deserves it!”  
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Gilbert wasn’t shouting, he wasn’t even speaking loudly, he was whispering. A harsh whisper, one that would make Matthew pass out from fright if it was directed at him but all it did now was send a cold shiver down his spine, and from the fact that Sadiku went as white as a tissue it had some effect on him as well. “Matthew is the sweetest person I’ve ever seen. He would never, and I mean NEVER do anything to deserve something bad.”  
“M-Matthew?” Sadiku stuttered, somehow going even whiter, looking at Matthew who just lowered his gaze. “That’s Alfred. F. Jones.” He whispered.  
“No, this is Matthew Williams and he is my friend. You’ve been at our school long enough to know what happens to people who mess with MY friends. Or would you like me to inform you..?” Gilbert let the threat hand in the tense air between them.  
“N-no, that won’t be necessary. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He spoke curling in on himself.  
“I’m not the one you should be apologising to, don’t you agree?” He said his red eyes seemed to burn with a barely controlled anger and hatred. Sadiku nodded quickly and turned to Matthew.  
“I’m sorry, Matthew. I had no right to do that. I didn’t mean to mistake you for Alfred, I’m sorry to insult you and for ripping your book, I hope you can find it in you to forgive me for my stupid mistakes and rash actions.” Matthew nodded but didn’t say anything, fearing his voice would fail him. 

Sadiku looked at Gilbert who still looked angry.   
“You are right, Sadiku, you did act rashly, and rash actions deserve consequences don’t you agree?” Gilbert asked allowing threat to coat every word.  
“G-Gilbert, please, it was a m-mistake and I…” Gilbert cut him off in his pleas.   
“Don’t you agree?” Gilbert repeated but with a much stronger voice and a facial expression that clearly said ‘don’t make me ask again.”  
“Y-yes, sir.” Sadiku stuttered out, clear fear written on his features, and Matthew sat watching tensely. Yes he was angry that Sadiku had ripped his book but he didn’t want him hurt but he wasn’t sure whether he wanted to step in to save a bully and potentially get himself hurt. But he had always been taught to do the right thing, and if Gilbert took it too far he would step in.

Suddenly, Gilbert turned to face Matthew.   
“Wie viel kosten Bücher?” (How much do books cost) Gilbert spoke in German to Matthew, and Matthew looked at Sadiku and he looked paralysed with fright not being able to understand the conversation that could determine whether or not he would end up in hospital. Matthew looked at Gilbert perplexed and looking in his eyes and expected to see the anger that was just there, but his eyes were kind and gentle, and for once Matthew felt his fear lower even though he was looking in someone’s eyes. Red eyes.  
“Über fünfzehn Dollar.” (About fifteen dollars) He spoke quietly in almost a whisper but he knows that Gilbert would hear, he was good at hearing things that were spoke quietly for some reason.

Gilbert turned back to Sadiku and Matthew could see that the hatred was back in Gilberts face and eyes and his features were set sharply making him look angry, sharp and more dangerous, and it worked, even on Matthew and he knew the anger wasn’t directed at him.  
“Get your wallet out.” And Sadiku started fumbling around in his bag and pulled out an ordinary wallet, brown. “Give him 30 dollars and we’ll forget that this happened.” Gilbert said sharply. 

Why thirty? 

Sadiku reached into his wallet and pulled out a twenty and a ten with shaking hands and handed them to Matthew and Matthew wanted to decline, it was only a book and with his parents salary he didn’t need to take money from other people. He was just about to hand the money back but caught Gilbert’s eye and he knew in that moment that Gilbert knew exactly what he was thinking, and Gilbert shook his head ever so slightly, so Matthew folded up the money and put it into his pocket, whispering a quite ‘thank you’ to Sadiku.

Meanwhile Sadiku was standing there looking as if her were waiting for death, and in his mind he probably was.  
“Go.” Gilbert snapped at him, and Sadiku looked up at him in shock. “Go! Before I change my mind and you lose a lot more than 30 dollars.” Sadiku just nodded and bolted out of the shop and Matthew looked up at Gilbert who had bent down and was picking up the ripped out pages from the book off the ice cream floor, and placing them neatly inside the book.

Gilbert sighed and sat back in his seat, having already finished his ice cream and looked at Matthew who’s mouth had gone dry, with his ice cream melted. Gilbert reached across the table and placed the book in front of Matthew and looked at his face again and Matthew pivoted his eyes so he was looking at Gilbert’s chest.   
“Are you okay?” Gilbert asked gently. Matthew nodded shakily, he wasn’t okay but that was the expected answer. “You’ve gone white, wie Sie haben einen Geist gesehen.” (Like you’ve seen a ghost)  
“I guess I’m a little shaken up.” Matthew admitted quietly, “ but he didn’t hurt me. Thank you for doing that, Gilbert.”  
“’Tis okay, you’re my friend, I protect me friends. And my friends can look me in the face when they talk to me you know.” Matthew felt his heart beat at Gilbert saying that he was his friend, but he didn’t know what kind of beating it was. 

He was most familiar with fear, but this wasn’t fear. It was an urge, a need, that words couldn’t explain. It felt warm, it hurt but at the same time in was a sentimental pain. A nice pain, but not pain. An ache. He sounded dumb but it was the only way he could express it.

“Friend?” Matthew asked, not meaning to out loud, but it just kind of happened.   
“Ja, Vogel, friend.” Gilbert laughed a little, probably thinking that Matthew was joking.  
“Gilbert..?” Matthew spoke hesitantly, not sure how good Gilbert was with questions, Ivan didn’t like it when he asked questions, that’s why he didn’t like school- too many pointless questions. But he had to keep reminding himself that Gilbert wasn’t Ivan.  
“Ja, Vogel?”  
“Why thirty? I said fifteen.” It hadn’t made sense to him why Gilbert had asked for money or why he asked how much a book cost.  
“Oh, well I thought could go to the book store now and you could get two books, to apologise for that dick’s behaviour.” Matthew cringed at the foul language, he didn’t like it when people swore, and Gilbert chuckled a little at his reaction, “Sorry, language I know. I’ll try to swear less around you.”  
“T-Thanks. Are we going to the book store now?” Unsure why Gilbert would make that effort for him, especially for something as silly and insignificant as not swearing, but he couldn’t really voice that questions.  
“Well, we’re in town aren’t we and we have the money, so why not?” Let’s go!” Gilbert said standing up. “I don’t know where the book store is so you’re going to have to lead the way.”

Matthew nodded silently and placed his ruined book in his back pack, and picked up the remainder of his ice cream and the tissues he used to hold the cone. He stood and looked out of the window and saw that there were more kids around, they must have gotten out of school. He didn’t mind there were never and kids in the book store, and if there were he probably knew them and they were probably nice and nerdy, like him. He threw his rubbish in the bin, and thought about how annoyed his was with Sadiku. He didn’t get annoyed often but he was really angry with Sadiku because he was starting to enjoy his time with Gilbert and he had to ruin it. He tried to not let it bother him too much because now they were going to the book store the best place on Earth. They pushed the door open and a bell rang signalling their leaving and the door swung shut behind them.


	18. Chapter 18

As they left the door swung shut eliciting a small chime from the bell above the door and they were outside, with Matthew walking in front of him leading the way to the bookshop. Part of Gilbert was still really angry at Sadiku, and he could have beaten him up and he’s never hit anyone in his life. Matthew had started to relax and they were both having a good time, and from the way that Matthew started looking at his chest rather than his face was a step back, he had been looking at him during the conversation in the ice cream shop.

One step forward, three steps back.

But he tried to put that out of his mind, Matthew was just tense and he would relax again, maybe he had come down on Sadiku a little hard but he had to because he and his friends had a reputation to maintain and he was just really angry, words cannot express his rage.

However, Gilbert had a small inkling that Matthew would relax in the book shop, thinking that it was one of his favourite places. They walked for about five minutes and it was quite uneventful. They didn’t really speak with Gilbert walking next to or sometimes behind Matthew and Matthew just concentrating on getting to the book shop. No one bothered or even looked at them, which was different to what Gilbert’s life was normally like, people looked at him all the time, but that’s probably due to the friends, the loud noise, his status and his hair and eyes. However now, he wasn’t being loud, he wasn’t with his friends and no one could see his status, hair or eyes as he had his hood up. Matthew was probably used to people not looking at him though.

When they arrived at the book shop it was bigger than he thought- two floors. Matthew turned around and gave Gilbert a tiny little smile and that tiny smile warmed Gilbert’s heart like a furnace and hot chocolate. 

Matthew pushed the door open and they stepped in and Gilbert removed his hood, people may think of him as a rude punk but he wasn’t and he didn’t like leaving his hood up in public. 

He looked around and he had never seen so many books in one place in his life, and it smelt of coffee and books and it just smelt… nice. Homely. 

He turned around to Matthew who was looking at him with an amused expression, and Gilbert belatedly realised he had had his mouth open in shock.   
“Be quiet, Vogel.” He said gently going red, and Matthew let out a little chuckle before walking off to look in a particular section, he acted as if he knew the store like he knew his own home- to be honest he probably did. Gilbert followed blindly.

Matthew was scanning the shelves for books and suddenly stopped at a copy of The Gospel of Loki and put it under his arm so he could continue searching the shelves.  
“Here let me.” Gilbert said taking the book from under his arm and Matthew looked surprised but said thank you all the same. After a few minutes of Matthew browsing Gilbert looked at his face and he didn’t know if he’d ever see the same expression on his Vogel’s face anywhere else or for any other reason than books. He wanted to put that look on his face, it was a mixture of love and homely. It was a look of unadulterated, uncontrollable bliss.

“Vogel?” Gilbert said drawing Matthew’s attention away from the books and to him, and it made him feel good with Matthew looking at him that way. “What do you think it smells like in here?” He was just genuinely curious. Without a moment of hesitation, without thinking Matthew replied;  
“Love and home.” 

They were both silent for a moment letting what Matthew had said sink in. When it did Matthew went bright red with embarrassment. But Gilbert felt a smile possess his face, pulling at his cheeks, making his red eyes squint and showing off all his teeth, that was the cutest thing he had ever heard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, then guys.  
> Congrats if you made it to the end. This fanfiction I wrote years ago, and it was always one of those things I wanted to share, but I couldn't bring myself to finished after I stopped so long ago, I don't think I could do it justice anymore if I'm honest. Likes and dislikes change all the time and that's okay, you just have to move on.  
> In all honesty, I doubt inspiration will grab me to pick this story up again, but I hope you enjoyed what story you did get.
> 
> Although this work won't be finished, please comment. It's a really nice addition to my day, no matter what fic.  
> Thank you guys for reading xxx


	19. Chapter 19

Antonio’s front door slammed open, hitting the wall making the small house shake.  
“Antonio! Mi amigo, tengo una problema!” (My friend, I have a probelm) Gilbert shouted  
“We’re in the kitchen Gilbert!” His Spanish friend yelled back, making Gilbert joyfully skip into the room. Antonio sat at the table playing a game of draughts with Francis, at his entrance they both looked up at him expectantly waiting.  
“Guys, I’m kinda freaking out a lot.”  
“Why?” Francis asked  
“I like Vogel…” He said trailing off, while his two friends just frowned back in confusion.  
“Yhea, we know. We all like Matthew, but that’s not a problem?” Antonio spoke slowly as if Gilbert was an idiot.  
“No, you idiot!” Gilbert sighed exasperatedly, “I like-like him. Like boyfriend like him…” He couldn’t help the smile that infected his face. He just looked at his friend who stared back, then after a few second Francis burst out laughing, followed by Antonio, which completely snatched his smile away. “What?” annoyed now.  
“It seriously took you THAT long to figure it out? Mon Dieu, Gilbert. I don’t think you’ve ever said anything that clueless and you have said a lot of things.” Francis could barely speak through his giggles, and then Gilbert realised. He had known all along that he liked Matthew, he just couldn’t bring himself to admit it to the most important person until now; himself. 

The realisation was like a bucket of cold water being poured over his head, he had to tell him. He had to let him know. Gilbert didn’t expect Matthew to like him back, but there was a possibility that he could grow to love him, once he knew who Gilbert really was. Maybe.

Without another word Gilbert turned and ran out the house slamming the door behind him, ignoring the shouts behind him.


	20. Chapter 20

Gilbert had jumped in his car and rang Arthur to get Matthew’s address. He knew this was fast, but he had to act before he lost motivation and bravery and completely shut down. He needed to do this, it could change everything. Right now he was driving the way that Arthur had told him about, just in case he caught Matthew walking home from town or the shops. He drove slowly making sure to check both pavements, he was lucky the road was completely empty.

And then he couldn’t believe his eyes, was that Matthew. It had to be. The same backpack, massive headphones, fast walk. The only difference was that Matthew wasn’t hunched over like he always was around other people. He stood tall, head up, there was even a little bounce in his step in tempo to the music. Gilbert had heard people talk about the Grand Canyon or Niagara Falls and how beautiful, how stunning, how amazing the sight of them are; but in Gilbert’s mind nothing could compare to how Matthew is in this very moment. 

He pulled the car onto the pavement to park it, so he could get out and talk to Matthew, tell him how he felt, but then something made him pause. He didn’t know why he stopped, but it was like watching a horror movie, he couldn’t make himself move, and for that he never forgave himself. 

Ivan, that great big bully from his school walked up behind Matthew and slapped his hand down on his shoulder. Gilbert didn’t even remember seeing him behind Matthew. It all seemed to happen in slow motion. Ivan ripping Matthew’s headphones off his head and throwing them to the ground. Matthew turning to stare and Ivan in horror, and for the life of him, Gilbert could not hear what Ivan was saying to Matthew over the ringing in his ears.

He just sat there in horror, after about 30 seconds of talking Ivan laughed and punched Matthew in the face sending Matthew sprawling to the ground. It was only Matthew’s pained cry that broke Gilbert out of his trance.

He threw open the car door, not even checking for cars and ran up to them, sliding his body in between Ivan and Matthew as Ivan seemingly got ready to send a kick to Matthew’s fallen form. Gilbert barely refrained from actually snarling at Ivan.  
“Back the FUCK of Ivan.” He half shouted, half growled. He could feel his control slipping. He had to make sure that Matthew was safe.  
“Well. If it isn’t a little Beilschmidt.” Ivan paused, just looking Gilbert up and down, making his hackles rise. “Well, I’m sorry, but little Matty has been my plaything for quite a while now, so if you want one go get another one.” Gilbert felt his insides turn to ice at Ivan’s words. Ivan had been beating on Matthew for a while? He felt physically sick. Before he could think any better of it, Gilbert summoned all his strength and pushed fiercely at Ivan’s shoulders, forcing him to take a couple of staggering steps backwards. 

A shocked look graced Ivan’s features for a few seconds, before it turned into a cruel laugh, sending a fire through Gilbert’s blood.  
“Fine, Beilschmidt, if you want the little bitch so much. Win him.” He said coolly.  
“What?” Gilbert ground out.  
“I mean fight for him. You want him fine. Fight me for him. If you win, you can have him and I will never touch him again. BUT if I win, you won’t ever go near him or me again. Fair deal?” Ivan asked, smiling, spreading his arms. “Oh. And no back up from your little gang of Europeans. A fair fight, just you and me.” Gilbert didn’t even need to think about it.  
“Fine. Yes. I’ll fight you for him. When I win you’ll never touch him again.”  
“Right. I’ll meet you in the park, by the lack and we’ll fight it out like real men. Half an hour, be ready.” And with that he stalked of smirking to himself.

“Oh Gilbert what have you done?” He heard Matthew whisper from behind him. He whipped round to face him and fell to his knees, hands reaching out to hold Matthew’s head.  
“Oh my God Matthew, are you okay? Oh my God.”  
“Yes, Yes Gilbert I’m fine. But you’ve just promised to fight Ivan. Why would you do that?” Matthew asked frowning, his eyes burning with unshed tears  
“If I didn’t he would keep bullying you, and I couldn’t let that happen.” He spoke looking seriously at Matthew  
“But if you lose I’ll never be able to talk to you again, I don’t know what I’ll do if that happens…” Matthew trailed off, looking heart broken, but Gilbert just smiled back at him  
“Then I guess I won’t lose.”


	21. Chapter 21.

Half an hour later both Gilbert and Matthew stood at the lake side. In different circumstances this would have been a dream for Gilbert, as they both looked out over the pond, watching the sun start to dip below the horizon, the air smelling fresh and of grass, flowers and water. It was beautiful.

They stood side by side waiting for the nightmare they knew was coming, and suddenly, Gilbert felt Matthew’s soft, slightly trembling hand in his. Shocked Gilbert turned his head to look at Matthew who was smiling gently out towards the lake, and in that moment Gilbert knew he had to win this fight. He gave Matthew’s hand a soft squeeze, and at that precise moment a twig snapped behind them and Matthew pulled away – leaving Gilbert with a ghost feeling where his hand once was, almost like losing a limb.

They both turned to face Ivan, standing in the open field, smirking.  
“Shall we get this over then, Beilschmidt. I’d rather kick your ass sooner rather than later, so I can get back to kicking my favourite loser.” Gilbert felt Matthew shrink next to him, and that was what lit a fire in his belly, not Ivan’s shit attempt at trash talking. Gilbert spared one last look at Matthew, and he stepped forward. 

He had to win.

The next thing he knew Ivan had punched him I the face and stars flashed before his eyes, before his adrenaline kicked in. He just started throwing punches, not aiming , not being strategic. He just want Ivan to go down and go down hard. He heard Ivan cry out and felt something hard under his hand, and he wasn’t sure if the crack was from his hand or Ivan’s face, he hoped the later. His vision was blurry with rage and pressure. He blinked a few times and everything became clear.

He charged at Ivan, tackling his midsection, making them both tumble to the ground, with Gilbert on top. Gilbert just let out at flurry of punches, hearing flesh his flesh and cracking and yelping, he just knew he couldn’t stop until he felt in his gut he had to. He hated this guy so much. He had to learn a lesson, but more importantly he had to save Vogel. He needs to keep thinking of Vogel. His beautiful song bird.

There was a sharp pain in his leg making him cry out. He glanced down, stopping his onslaught of punches and saw a pen knife stick out of his leg. He only had a second to register it, before he was flipped on his back and Ivan punched him in the face. He shouted and tried to cover his face, tried to hit at Ivan’s torso, but nothing was working. He was losing. He would lose his Vogel. He closed his eyes, feeling them burn, but then he saw Matthew’s smile. ‘It smells like home’. His walk when he thought no one was looking, and that could all be his. He just had to win. 

Gilbert reached down to his leg and grabbed hold of the handle, feeling every hit to his face. He took a deep breath as well as he could with Ivan sitting on top of him. He pulled the knife out his leg and he cried out loudly. He quickly brought the blade up and stabbed Ivan in the shoulder, making Ivan fall off him. Ivan’s hand flew to the knife but Gilbert was quicker. He jumped on Ivan’s mid-section and grabbed hold of the knife. He held the handle in a tight fist, not moving. He allowed himself a few gasps of air before his spoke.  
“Say you give up.” The only response that Gilbert got from Ivan was ragged breathing. “Say you FUCKING give in you piece of shit! Say you’ll leave him alone!” Gilbert screamed feeling his throat rip at the sheer violence of his voice, and all he got in return was a chuckle from Ivan, before he spat out some blood to the side. Gilbert gritted his teeth and twisted the knife that was in Ivan’s shoulder making Ivan scream. “What about now you FUCKER? Give in? Or do we need to see how many times I can twist this knife?” He added a little pressure to make his point, making Ivan groan in response.

“Fine!” Ivan shouted back. “I yield! I give in. I won’t touch him again.” Relief flooded Gilbert, but at the same time all the adrenaline left him, making him feel heavy and tired. He just realised what he had done, he had become the Gilbert Beilschmidt that everyone thought he was, and he was horrified. He had just twisted a knife into a man’s shoulder. But that fucker deserved it. He had hurt so many people. He had hurt Vogel, he had to. He stumbled to his feet and looked down at Ivan laying on the floor and spat some blood out on him, making Ivan give a little laugh from where he lay breathless on the floor.

Gilbert looked up and spotted Matthew, who was slowly approaching him, smiling. He walked up and grabbed Gilbert’s hand and started leading the way, and Gilbert gladly followed.


	22. Chapter 22

Everything hurt. Gilbert could now feel the bruises forming on his face and his leg was burning as he reclined on Matthew’s sofa, careful not to get and bloody on anything as Matthew sat and the floor bandaging his leg as Gilbert held some frozen veggies to his face. Even now, Matthew was beautiful. And Even now, to Matthew Gilbert was gorgeous. The sat with soft music on in the background as Matthew gently hummed along.

Matthew taped the bandage end to the other bandages and stood up.  
“All patched” he said, a little sheepishly. He started walking to the armchair around the other side of the coffee table, but Gilbert reached out and grabbed his hand.  
“Sit with me.” He said gently, making Matthew give him a little shrug before complying. Matthew sat next to him, making sure not to touch any wounds. They sat in silence for a few moment, just letting the music embrace them like a warm, comforting blanket.  
“Vogel…” Gilbert started, feeling butterflies in his belly, “I want to tell you something, But you can’t freak out. Don’t be scared, I just want to tell you the truth.” Matthew nodded his agreement, chewing his lip nervously. “I like you Matthew. I like you a lot.”  
“I like you to, Gilbert. I know it took a while for me –“  
“No, Vogel. I like-like you. As more than a friend. I’m gay, and I want you to know that I have feelings for you.” He went quiet waiting for Matthew’s reaction. Matthew stayed quiet only for a few seconds, but every second was filled with anxiety for Gilbert.  
“Me too.” Matthew said quietly.  
“No, Vogel, I don’t want you to agree with me on this because you’re frightened of what I might do…”  
“Shut up, Gilbert. Honestly, the things you say sometimes. I really do like you, and this isn’t out of fear. I wouldn’t have brought you to my house if I was scared of you… But here you are.” Matthew let out a little chuckle to try and ease the tension. I really like you too.” And suddenly, without warning, Matthew lent in and placed a gentle peck on Gilbert’s lip, making him wince slightly at the spit lip, eliciting a small giggle from Matthew. Despite the pain it cause Gilbert couldn’t stop the massive smile that found his face.

“Well, in that case… I want to tell you the truth. The whole truth. I want you to know that me Antonio and Francis started those horrible rumours about us, that we so hate now…” He trailed off feeling a little sheepish. The shocked look on Matthew’s face didn’t help.  
“But…why?”  
“Because when we first came to school in America, we were all horribly picked on for being European, and we lied. We lied to gain credit, to make people thank that we were cool. It originally only started with little lies that we got into a fist fight, when really it had been play fighting. The things got out of hand and then other people starting making up rumours, and it just got too big for us to control. But we decided as a group, we couldn’t go back to being picked on like that again. We couldn’t and we couldn’t let it happen to our little brothers, so we let it fester and continue. Until you I didn’t realise how much the rumours effected people. But you have to know… what you knew, isn’t me. At all. I feel awful about what I did today and I had to do that…” He trailed off not really knowing how to continue. They sat in silence until Gilbert continued. “I guess it also meant that we could do whatever we wanted, including being with who we want. Francis wanted to date Arthur and because of our reputation no one did anything. They were able to be a couple. A lot of us are gay actually. I didn’t want to tell you, because I was scared of rejection and because when I told mum – she didn’t… well she didn’t accept it. And that’s why I live with Antonio, my mother kicked me out, because of my sexuality, and since then, I don’t really talk about it.” He felt naked, and he felt open but in a way, it felt right. It felt okay for Vogel to know all of this. 

Matthew looked sad, but no pitying. “I’m sorry that happened to you Gilbert, no one deserves that…I don’t think you are like the rumours, not anymore. I think you are the nicest person I have ever met. You saved me from Ivan. You make me feel loved and happy, and I’m happiest when I’m with you. And because of that I want… I want to tell you my biggest secret. Well, show you.” With that Matthew stood up and held his hand out to Gilbert who took it eagerly.

After Gilbert limping up the stairs with some help from Matthew they made it to Matthew’s bedroom. Gilbert leaned in the doorway watching Matthew as he rolled back the rug on his floor. Unexpectedly, Matthew pulled a cord that opened a trap door in his floor.  
“Whoa! Vogel, I didn’t picture you to be one of those type with a sex dungeon! Cool!” He cried out, eliciting an amused scoff from Matthew.  
“Well are you coming in or what?” He said smiling and he climbed down the stairs into the little room to turn the light on. Gilbert followed closely behind. As Gilbert reached the bottom of the stairs he looked around, taking in all of the music and sound equipment. “Remember how I told you that I like singing?” Matthew asked and Gilbert nodded, a little in awe. The his eyes fell on Matthew who was casually leaning against a wall, and Gilbert’s eyes widened as he read. ‘The Invisible Singer’ painted on the wall in calligraphy. He felt his mouth drop open.  
“No way…” He whispered, in shock, “You?”  
“Me.” Matthew answered with a massive smile on his face. 

Gilbert limped over to Matthew and held his face in his hands.  
“I am the luckiest man in the world. You really are my Vogel. I love you Vogel.” He closed his eyes and leant into the best kiss of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so that really is it I think everyone. The last few chapters were all written in one sitting early in the morning after a sudden burst of inspiration thanks to Cone_of_Depression, who commented on the 'last' chapter. I'm so glad I pushed through and finished it, and a lot of that is thanks to Cone_of_Depression, so thank you very much to them xx.  
> If you got to the end thank you very much for reading this fanfiction with has been with me for a very long time now.  
> Please leave a comment letting me know what you think, and I hope you all have a wonderful life xxx


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